by DG, James Ranch, Santa Clara It’s my lifestyle and my decisions. We had a talk about a year ago. The last time I was at the ranch I called my sister and I was talking to her about all my plans that I had. When I was out I was telling her how good I wanted to do and how I was going to make a change and all this but the moment I got out I stayed out all night, did some stupid and didn’t tell her about it until later on. I had my mind focused on
Continue ReadingThings You Hate to Hear
by Andrew, San Francisco The thing I most hate to hear is that I act like or resemble my father. I also hate to hear that I am a bad influence or a bad person. The reason I don’t like to be compared to my father is because he was just a bad person in general and also never in my life. I did not ever think that it affected me until I got older and realized that I probably never would have been incarcerated if I had a father figure in my life. I was getting incarcerated because I
Continue ReadingForbidden Freedom
by R, Missoula, Montana I feel helplessMy wrong doings…And I can’t do anything?Lost hope in a lost placeI forget thingsWhat did she look like again?What does being outside feel like?Will I ever be free again?“You can’t do that”“Not allowed”“Stop”“You can’t visit”Fourteen years oldNot allowed to see my parentsNot a single slice of freedomLocked upMy thoughts will wanderBut where will they take me next?Stress valley, crybaby city, hopeless homesIf you’re lucky, one day you’ll wake upFrom this dream…O n e d a y.
Continue ReadingChange Is Mandatory
by None Of Your Business, Santa Clara I Got sent to South Illinois to live with my pops when I was sixteen. I had a way different mind set then, from now. They told me, “If you want to get out of jail go outta state.” To me that was a great offer. The only downside was that I had a lot of hatred towards my pops. When he was living out here he was less than 15 miles and he couldn’t see the kid or never did he check up on me. I felt played that I had to
Continue ReadingSurrounding My Toxic Shame
by Richie Angulo, Avenal State Prison in Avenal, CA A few months ago my friend Mark recommended the book, “Healing The Shame That Binds You,” by John Bradshaw. It’s rare that a self-help book catches my attention, however this book turned my life upside down (in a good way). Reading this book allowed me to connect some dots from my past that I desperately needed. Author Bradshaw distinguishes between healthy shame as an emotion versus toxic shame that can become an identity. Unfortunately, I allowed toxic shame to consume my life and strip me of the man I was supposed
Continue ReadingGiving Everything You Got
by Efren Bullard, Ironwood State Prison in Blythe, CA I gave everything I got when I walked away from that old negative life style. I gave up friends that I knew since I was a child. I gave up hanging with them because I understood that nothing will ever come from violence. The moment I walked away from negativity my whole world opened up to new adventures. I began to see myself free one day. I didn’t care what people had to say about me because this is my life and I’m the only one who can live my life.
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Volume 27.21/22
Please contact Lisa Lavaysse if you would like to purchase the full PDF or a printed copy of this issue.
Continue ReadingEd Note 27.21/22
Greetings friends! Our amazing one of a kind double issue, 27.21/22, of The Beat Within is back from the printer and now in your eager hands. Remember, this is the only magazine keeping it one thousand with you readers with a new issue every two weeks. No other magazine puts forth the effort, day in and day out, with our workshops, our amazing partners and colleagues who do their part to make this magazine so incredibly special. This week we are grateful to once again have our old friend, OT, step up to share his thoughts in our editorial section.
Continue ReadingWhat Is Freedom?
by SoniaGrandson, Rivarde Juvenile Detention Center, Harvey Louisiana What is freedom?No shackles on my hands and feetWhat is freedom?When I can choose what I want to beWhat is freedom?Judge can’t tell me what to doWhat is freedom?When you walk in yo’ own shoesWhat is freedom?You chase yo’ goals and become greatWhat is freedom?You see a person with passion not an inmate’s faceWhat is freedom?Going to bed after a hard day’s work.What is freedom?You live and you learn, butAlways be ready for things to get worst.
Continue ReadingGreatest Test
by Flo, San Quentin State Prison, CA I never gave much thought to the reason why I enjoyed the company of others as an adolescent. For as long as I could remember I have always been this extroverted social butterfly. I was both a good student and class clown. Even in serious discussions I can conjure a joke. I was an entertainer. On the surface it seemed pretty healthy. There was no real harm in that, no signs of dysfunction right? However, there were a bevy of underlying issues not realized. I was in an abusive household. Fear, lead me
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