by Tanaj, San Francisco Tanaj is someone who’s lost, back-to-back trauma is all he knew. After losing his mom, everything went downhill. He started stealing cars, and hanging out with the wrong crowd. One night he stole another car not thinking much of it, like those other nights, but not knowing tonight would be different. He picked up a friend, someone he called his brother not realizing it would be his last time seeing him. They went off to the beach reeking of weed, cursing the words of a song they loved so much without a care in the world.
Continue ReadingMy Heart
by Bethany, San Diego My heart looks through my eyes. My heart will touch you through my body. My heart will be shown through a laugh, but my heart can never care or beat for someone who did me wrong in the slightest way. It’s hard to explain, but when I get angry, I have no heart and no pure mind. I only have anger and the way it comes out is through my body. My mind shuts off, my eyes black out, and then I seem to wake up when people are pulling me off. It’s different when I
Continue ReadingThoughts on Loyalty
by Daniel, Santa Clara Loyalty is something that means a lot to me and I’m sure it means a lot to you as well. Relationships tend to be more successful when there is honesty and loyalty. It don’t matter what type of relationship it can be a relationship with your homie, girl, or family. Imagine having a friend that you can’t trust. I say that because there can be no loyalty without trust. I’ve been trying to figure this out. If you can’t trust that person can you even be loyal to them? If I can’t trust you to turn
Continue ReadingThe Ideal Job, A Clinical Psychologist
by Jon Goldberg, San Quentin State Prison, CA I have just recently discovered my ideal job would be a clinical psychologist, specializing in family/couples therapy. All my life I searched for my “one person” that could be my wife and start a family. At age 26 I quit looking and concentrated on my property. I decided my dog and I didn’t need anyone else. The minute I stopped looking she found me. By 27 years old I was beginning the most serious relationship, the one I always dreamed of. A year later I proposed. A year after that I was
Continue ReadingI’ve Found the Cure for Depression Is Action
by Flo, San Quentin State Prison, CA Years of trauma and tribulation went into the development of my depression. Even now, with the depression and stress management tools I have acquired, very recently, doesn’t completely eradicate the deep rooted depression I have. However, the lessons I have learned about depression, the details I have learned about myself, the advice from wise people that I’ve accepted has helped me manage stress and depression in a way that I likely wouldn’t have, had I not put forth the action. Today, I’m still learning myself, still, figuring out what works. I’ve learned it’s
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Santa Clara County COVID Spedal Edition
Most Thursdays my friend and I would meet at Blue Mango, a cozy Thai restaurant just five minutes away from Santa Clara Juvenile Hall where we ran writing workshops for The Beat Within each week at 6:30 p.m. This particular Thursday evening was March 5, 2020. As we slurped up our noodles, my phone buzzed with a text. Another volunteer had decided not to facilitate due to the reported dangers of Covid. I must admit to being slightly frazzled. I respected her decision, but it gave us a problem for the evening. We would be short of facilitators and that
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Volume 27.39/40
Please contact Lisa Lavaysse if you would like to purchase the full PDF or a printed copy of this issue.
Continue ReadingEd Note 27.39/40
It has been one heck of a busy year for The Beat Within. As most of you know, we have been doing the good workday in and day out in our efforts to bring the best program to the sites we visit, and of course bring you the one and only publication that truly matters when it comes to giving voice to those within the walls of the system and beyond. As we put the final touches on this latest issue, we take a moment to look ahead to 2023, and we certainly anticipate more of the same work
Continue ReadingThe Darkness Increases The Value Of The Light
by D, Sacramento I have a deep connection to this quote. Right after reading this, I got a weird feeling in my chest. It wasn’t sadness, nervousness, or happiness. I don’t know what to call it. I think the reason for this is because I tell myself and others this every day. I always say, “You’re not gonna be here forever. Keep your head up.” Sometimes, when I tell people this, I see a sparkle of hope in their eyes. Other times, I see deep anguish, hopelessness, like they don’t believe one single thing that I said. It’s how I
Continue ReadingMy Gains and Losses
by Julian, Santa Clara I’ve gained and lost a lot being in the streets, I’ve lost my freedom, family friends, money, support, along with many other things. Unfortunately, those are the consequences. Losing a loved one to the streets is one of the hardest things to deal with whether that means to violence, addiction, poverty, etc. I regret the things I’ve missed out due to my actions. Until this day I’m still missing out on the things like I should be there for like the birth of my child. There was a point in time where I had nothing but
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