Category: The Beat Without

by Mr. Francisco “Frank” Gonzalez, RJ Donovan State Prison, San Diego, CA “It is never the wrong time to do the right thing.”- MLK The other day, I was sitting in my anger management group wondering how do you cram 27 years of an incarcerated life into a few hours of a BPH (Board). Then I looked up to see the above quote. I then realized, I have to sincerely apologize to everybody for the harm I have caused and for the gathering I doubt people were jumping out of bed for, and for that I truly was sorry. As

by Dorrance Lockhart, San Quentin State Prison, CA When I was 25 years old the most worse thing that could happened to me. I lost all confidence and patience with life because I lost my best friend. Now on Mother’s Day of 2005 my mother was killed. Then on top of this situation my lady who was carrying my first child lost it a week later.  That year before I knew it I became so bitter and self-destructive because within three days I found my mother’s ex-boyfriend who killed her and killed him. I was sent to prison after I

by Truth N Poetry, San Quentin State Prison, CA The decision to not be silent about the Physical Mental and emotional abuse and my brothers and mother suffered at the hands of it. My step-father has been mentally and emotionally healing, when I speak of the pretty lies and ugly truths that come with child abuse Domestic Violence. I am allowing myself to acknowledge the underserving scars of my story yesterday and give myself permission to embrace or welcome if you will a tomorrow of my own creation. When I write poetry I speak “My Truth” without fear or apology.

by Leo Cardez, Dixon Correctional Center in Dixon, Illinois Has anyone ever given you a slew of compliments and one criticism? What stands out to you? What do you remember? The compliments or the sole fault? Yeah, me too. It’s normal.  Human beings through eons of evolution are hardwired to notice and remember the bad shhh. We are constantly walking around with our cups half full no matter how much we may try otherwise. It is the result of thousands of years of survival instinct. It is so common it already has a name in social science circles. They call

by Harry Goodall, San Quentin State Prison, CA I remember there was a time I was looking for acceptance. There was a lack of after school programs at the time. The government had just removed funding for those type of things. It was tough because they had even cut welfare, implementing a work for relief program. I idolized the movies I was watching on TV and on the big screen. These were movies like Boys In The Hood and Menace to Society. These movies promoted Black on Black crimes and the drug life. It showed young people drinking 40 ounce beers

by Efren Bullard, Ironwood State Prison in Blythe, CA Hello to all the youngsters who find themselves locked up. It has been a while since I last sat down and spoke to you guys. I have been trying to free myself from prison.  On November 6th, 2022. I will have been incarcerated for 29 years. At the time of my incarceration I was eighteen years old. I will be 48 on November 19th. I was sentenced to double life without parole plus 22 years for the murders of David Happas and Scott Evans.  Now, even though I would love to

by Aaron Begay, California Men’s Colony State Prison in San Luis Obispo, CA What you decide to put  into life is what you’re eventually going to get out of it.  For me, it was the moment I decide that I was going to put everything I believed into living life of crime and selling drugs at a young age. That itself would eventually have me living behind bars, and because of that the only thing I got out of it was 15 years to life in prison.  Growing up as a teenager that came from having nothing and coming from

by Jon Goldberg, San Quentin State Prison, CA I have just recently discovered my ideal job would be a clinical psychologist, specializing in family/couples therapy.  All my life I searched for my “one person” that could be my wife and start a family. At age 26 I quit looking and concentrated on my property. I decided my dog and I didn’t need anyone else. The minute I stopped looking she found me.  By 27 years old I was beginning the most serious relationship, the one I always dreamed of.  A year later I proposed. A year after that I was

by Flo, San Quentin State Prison, CA Years of trauma and tribulation went into the development of my depression. Even now, with the depression and stress management tools I have acquired, very recently, doesn’t completely eradicate the deep rooted depression I have.  However, the lessons I have learned about depression, the details I have learned about myself, the advice from wise people that I’ve accepted has helped me manage stress and depression in a way that I likely wouldn’t have, had I not put forth the action.  Today, I’m still learning myself, still, figuring out what works. I’ve learned it’s

by Patrick Demery, San Quentin State Prison, San Quentin, CA Richard Wright in the novel, Native Sun, “You’re trying to believe in yourself and every time you try to find a way to live, your own mind stands in the way.”  You know what that is? It’s because others have said that you were bad and they make you live in bad conditions. When a man hears that over and over and looks about him and sees that life is bad, he begins to doubt his own mind. His feelings drag him forward and his mind, full of what others