Category: The Beat Without

by Sausedo P, CMF in Vacaville, CA   My motivation was sparked when I found out. I was lost because I would drug myself to a sleep-state of consciousness that I would forget my purpose in life.       Yet I can still hear “the beat within my” heart. It calls out, “Remember your journey.” But I can’t hear it because I’ve drugged myself to a state of sleep, an unconscious state to where I forget my rules and purpose.  We all were born in cosmic energy. We were sent by our creator to this world to protect and serve

by Michael Sperling, San Quentin State Prison, CA There’s been many events in my life that were turning points for me, such as leaving the gang or leaving general population and going to a “Special Needs Yard.” But one recent event that took place in the last couple months I would have to say is my biggest turning point and the one I’m most proud of.  But before I tell you about it, allow me to tell you a little bit about my childhood. From the ages of three to eleven, my father severely beat me on the daily. At

by Sausedo P, CMF in Vacaville, CA My motivation was sparked when I found out. I was lost because I would drug myself to a sleep-state of consciousness that I would forget my purpose in life.       Yet I can still hear “the beat within my” heart. It calls out, “Remember your journey.” But I can’t hear it because I’ve drugged myself to a state of sleep, an unconscious state to where I forget my rules and purpose.  We all were born in cosmic energy. We were sent by our creator to this world to protect and serve it

by W, CCWF in Chowchilla, CA The stranger who changed my life was my high school/continuation teacher, Ms. Braver. I was new to the city and was in juvie, but because my parents were still commuting over fifty miles away to work daily, the judge refused to release me without twenty-four hour supervision.  My parents talked to my school teacher and she not only agreed to supervise me thirty minutes before school, but until my dad came home each day. This lady was a total stranger to me, and I to her, yet she committed to supervising me so I

by Angela Zuniga, CCWF in Chowchilla, CA What weighs me down is my haters. Not them personally but their words and beliefs of me. I become so mentally exhausted when I allow their thoughts to become my thoughts. Words are powerful, but going forward I refuse to allow the negativity to consume me.  I am beautiful, strong, and smart. I believe in myself and have plenty of people that believe the best of me. Instead of focusing on the few haters, I’ma let them hate. I allow my words, my beliefs, and the thoughts of my friends and support system

by Olegario Ambriz, San Quentin State Prison, CA I had to go back to my childhood and reflect on my past traumas. I had to get in touch with my inner child, writing a letter to the hurt and lonely child within me. Letting him know I was there for him and not to be afraid because I was there to protect him from anybody that tried to harm him in any way, shape or form.  I learned that every time my inner child acted up, I did something wrong by committing a crime. That was how my inner child

by Jorge Lopez, San Quentin State Prison, CA Hello, my name or where I’m from aren’t important. Today, I am serving a sentence of fifty years with two life sentences for a first-degree murder with enhancements (extra time). Sadly, I am identified by a set of numbers.  I have been stripped of my name and freedom because of the bad choices I made almost seventeen years ago. At that time, I had turned eighteen years old and like all of us behind prison walls, I lacked a positive role model. I just had a desire to be accepted by my

by Unique Bishop, CCWF in Chowchilla, CA I remember when my boyfriend Lee B was shot, we were having problems in our relationship. He started cheating on me. I started cheating on him, and I started wanting to let go of this relationship but I couldn’t because I loved him so much. But I was too afraid to let him know or even show it because I wanted to prove to him he wasn’t hurting me.  I was young and all my young life I lived with so much pride and wanted to be everything but me, because I was

by L. Edward Mays, California State Prison, Los Angeles in Lancaster, CA Racial segregation, routine violence, and controlled chaos filled my sleep, nightmares and sweat. This is the legacy that a correctional facility left me with after I transferred to the historical penal site, leaving the “cushy” San Mateo County Jail behind in 2006. “Fear” is the one word I could use to describe my emotional state during my time.  Everything about the prison scared me: the physical structure, the guards, and the other inmates. The physical structure was large and intimidating. The corridors were narrow, and many people had

by Keith Erickson, Pleasant Valley State Prison in Coalinga, CA Last night I called my wife, something I do each and every night before we both turn in for the evening and we went through our extensive prayer list. Just five minutes later while checking the messages on the contact’s list of my inmate issued tablet, I was alarmed by a message left from my wife to call home again, as it was urgent.  I listened to the words of my wife as she cried, “Please sit down, Keith,” and her words pierced right through me as she read the