Category: The Beat Without

by Angel Hurtado, Solano County Jail in Fairfield, CA I can’t stop, nothing has shown me some kind of directionAgain I sit here hating myself with overwhelming disappointmentI can’t stop, why is that?Chasing the satisfaction of deathNow that’s just factsI can’t stop, blaming others for all my pain and sufferingsBut realizing that I’m the one sweeping my feet right from under meI can’t stopLiving my life on the edge like I’m senselessNow look at me stuck in a cell looking at a life sentenceI can’t stopJust for a second to think on what I can do betterBut just putting my

by Jesse Ayers, San Quentin State Prison, CA Rehabilitation of emotionally challenged human beings, takes people down a long, lonely road. Excavating the bones that carried the carcasses that created the fossil fuel that burned the rage inside of us, is no easy task. Can you imagine digging up a T-Rex? Staring into the skull of a terrifying T-Rex that once stalked you, hunted you down and gave you the scars that you now carry is the only way to describe the emotional pain, scars unseen carved by past trauma. “Digging up bones,” as Randy Travis once wrote, “Examine things

by Montreal Blakely, San Quentin State Prison, CA This is a story by a Black father who loses his son. Where a man should always be buried by his son, instead here I am burying my son. Lil’ Treal died December 15th, 2012. He was murdered by another Black Kid.  My son was a seventeen year old football star. He was a senior in high school with a 3.8 average. He had promised his mom and I that he was going to get it up to a 4.0 before he graduated. He wasn’t a perfect son, but he was a

by Thomas Sheen, Avenal State Prison in Avenal, CA Dear Thomas, I am sorry, I really made a mess of your life. In all fairness, you played a part in it as well, that’s why I’m writing to you. I want to give you some perspective. In your young life, your father, sister and older brothers will be absent and you’re going to experience some physical and emotional abuse from your mom and stepdad.  This will cause you to feel forgotten and rejected by your family. In school, you’re going to experience bullying in response to your kindness and you’ll

by Ernesto Sanchez, Pleasant Valley State Prison in Coalinga, CA Before coming to prison, I knew little to nothing about “ethic,” let alone what it means for someone to have good “work ethics” in order to survive and be successful in life. I watched other people on the streets go about their day-to-day lives, and doing what they needed to get done by working and paying their bills, but I just assumed that it was something that they chose to do because they had no other choice.  I was wrong, however, it took a lot of years for me to

by Efren Bullard, Ironwood State Prison in Blythe, CA I write because it’s very important that I do my best to expose the violence that so many are comfortable with. Not only did I kill two people, I took away a son, brother, cousin, uncle, nephew, grandchild, father and friend to so many, the moment I decided to pull the trigger.  I change so many lives and I understand that I violated the trust of so many people that I can never say sorry enough to the family of my victims or the victims I robbed. I can’t imagine what

by Tommy Traughber, Pleasant Valley State Prison in Coalinga, CA The house was dark and quiet. The only noise was the constant hum that was coming from the swamp cooler encased in the frame of our bedroom window. I lay there awake in my bed, as my brother, Billy, slept soundly in the bed atop of mine.  Like many nights, I lay there with my thoughts running rampant about the dream my brother Billy and I had shared for as long as I can remember, which was to be the world’s greatest wrestling tag-team. It had been all that we

by James Dickson, CTF Central Soledad in Soledad, CA If you think defunding the police will in some sort of idiotic way change the color tone of our inner cities to a rose pink then you need your head examined. The police were here before you were born and will be here long after you die. Defunding the police makes as much sense as extracting the teeth from “your” family guard dog. If you think it’s okay to ignore an officer’s direct order when they attempt to pat you down for weapons but you choose to fight, wrestle and resist,

by Chad “Get Right” Fitzpatrick, Moose Lake, Minnesota In one of my other writings titled “opportunities” that I sent to The Beat Within, I talked about an Old School named R.M. (R.I.P) who on my 3rd day in prison as a 22 year old with a 24 year sentence to do, gave me a positive run down of how to do prison life and take advantage of all the opportunities available to us behind these walls. Which brings me to this quote that a teacher here at my facility I’m at said:  “Self-improvement is not just checking off boxes or

by Armando Gonzalez, San Quentin State Prison, CA In the middle of quick purposeful strides towards the young man I intend to beat on I am stopped by, “He has a gun!”  Literally arm’s length away, I pause to ask him, “What’s up, you strapped or what?” Thinking that as he pulls the gun out, I can take it away from him. Instead, I see the barrel point up at me from inside the pocket of the heavy jacket he had on. I couldn’t think to do anything else but twist and basically try to hide behind my own arm.