Category: The Beat Without

by Richard Zamora, Centinela State Prison in Imperial, CA Hi, my name is Richard Zamora and I’m a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. I’m proud to say that I’ve been sober for three and a half wonderful years. Please allow me a minute of your time to share with you my experience with drugs and alcohol.  I used drugs and drank alcohol for the same reasons a lot of others did. The main reason being I was numbing the pain I had been feeling for so many years. Growing up I felt like no one loved me, cared for me

by Jesse Ayers, San Quentin State Prison, CA I was reading some of my latest Beat Within publications and I realized I write a lot about pain. I started wondering, “Why do I write so much about pain?”  Here is what I came with. When I start living a life full of love, joy, and happiness. Then I’ll start writing about love, joy, and happiness. Until then, I’m gonna tell you all about what I know, pain and suffering!  I know I haven’t experienced the same pain that some of you have. I met people in prison that have been

by Leo Cardez, Dixon Correctional Center in Dixon, Illinois I was called to see the nurse today for my annual check-out. Towards the end of my visit she quietly turned around gloved up, lubed up, and instructed to drop my shots, turn around and bend over.  “What, why?” I pleaded.  It was time for my prostrate exam, she explained.  My first thought was, damn I should have made sure to wash my ass before I came over here today. Then I remember reading in the Department of Corrections Manual that prostate exams weren’t required until you’re over forty-five.  I pleaded

by Q. Paige, San Quentin State Prison, CA To be totally transparent I hated writing in my youth due to complications with my learning. At a young age, I was diagnosed with Dyslexia, ADD and ADHD and couldn’t focus for long periods of time. Words jumbled together, sometimes I would read backwards. I hated everything to do with literature and there was no way to change that. So, I thought. My mom heard of my short-coming and refused to put me in special classes or give me medication so as my saving grace she spent extra time teaching me. She

by Marco Antonio Ramirez, Avenal State Prison in Avenal, CA When my journey started and when I first began to meet people, I would come across a variety of different people that I think would be interesting to copy and develop a mix between them all.  Of course, these personalities weren’t positive. They were negative like the characters that are in the Batman series. I would walk and collect a little bit of the negative personality from one person, and then collect a little bit of the negative from another person. I ended up talking and acting like the Joker

by Sir Royal LeBlanc, Kern Valley State Prison in Coalinga, CA I wake up in cold sweats, and I’m breathing heavyI’m seeing double but I’m trying to get my eyes steadyAnother dream that continues to haunt my soulTrue life events that I’ve never toldNeeding to just let it all outSo this is how this situation came aboutThe homie and I were sitting in my carWe got out to go into the storeBut we see our rivals coming from afarWe turn to run in the other directionBut it was too late they was already flexingI made it back to the car

by Jesse Ayers, San Quentin State Prison, CA I think one of the most devastating issues I have never really addressed was being locked in a dryer at a laundry mat when I was three years old.  Being locked in a dryer at age three started out funny. My sisters (age 5 and 9 at the time) were laughing, as it all seemed like a game. The laundry mat was empty, besides our mother, my two sisters, and myself. Washing machines made up the center rows and the dryers lined up against the walls with elevated entry level windows, easy

by Leo Cardez, Dixon Correctional in Dixon, Illinois It has come to my attention that my cell sucks. Objectively, that might be too harsh of an assessment, but it certainly feels true right now. Don’t get me wrong. It has a window; working toilet and sink, albeit old and ugly; and enough space that I would describe as live-able.  But the many things the cell leaves to be desired, cheap fixtures, un-openable window, uncontrollable vent, industrial off-white walls, and an ancient tile floor that never quite looks clean. It has the amazing magical power of concealing anything that is dropped

by Q. Paige, San Quentin State Prison, CA All have heard, “If you don’t have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all!” I fully stand by this saying, “There is so much negativity in the world you don’t need to add to it. Be different. SPEAK LIFE! Encourage someone, inspire someone, uplift someone you could change the world one person at a time.”  Have you ever told someone “Good morning,” and their whole demeanor changes? If you haven’t tried it, say “Good morning sir or ma’am. Have a wonderful day.” Then as you walk away take a peak

by William Curl, Corcoran State Prison in Corcoran, CA Hey what’s up with the people?! Hope my last installment left y’all inspired, enlightened, and a little closer to establishing inner peace. Life’s been the way it’s always been for me here waiting on some change to happen. I mean I’ve accomplished the internal insight that’s helped me get familiar with myself,  but as we all know, the true test is in our response to external forces constantly testing who we say we are-are not.  This level two is an ugly testing ground that managed to fine tune my character beautifully.