Welcome back, readers and writers, to another thoughtful and timely edition of The Beat Within. While we were editing this latest publication, we received devastating news that our colleague and former Beat writer, Hayden Renato, passed away suddenly. Our longtime facilitator for Alameda County, Zach Wyner, is here with us to share a few words about Hayden’s journey, and to celebrate this young person’s life and mission. Hayden was a fierce advocate for youth justice and will be deeply missed by our community.
“If children are to succeed, then we need to matter. I can’t stress this enough. We are desperate to be looked upon with a trauma-informed and nonjudgmental eye. Retribution is a barbaric ideal that should have no place in our justice system. If I must continue to be digested by my own past, then I’m going to make certain it’s for a good cause. I would never trade the well-being of my peers for a chance to get my case thrown out. The people will always remain first in my heart.” -Hayden Renato
The Beat Within is saddened to announce the sudden and tragic passing of our friend and former workshop participant, Hayden Renato.
The Alameda County team first encountered Hayden in 2017 as he was awaiting extradition to Arizona. At a time of acute alienation, The Beat was a lifeline for Hayden. He took full advantage of the opportunity it provided to connect with facilitators and share his story with our readers, penning reflections on family, homelessness, physical abuse, mental health, and the criminal justice system.
Hayden had a huge heart and, even while incarcerated, disconnected from his family, and anxious about the possibility of being sent back to the adult prison in Arizona in which he’d been incarcerated at the age of fifteen, he was equally concerned with the plight of other young people who had been raised in circumstances that mirrored his own.
Each week, along with the many pages of stories and personal essays that he would somewhat sheepishly hand over to his facilitators (he knew someone had to type all that writing up and respond to it), Hayden would give us at least half a dozen responses written directly to other Beat Within contributors. These thoughtful reflections demonstrated the power of The Beat Within and the realization of our founder David Inocencio’s vision — that the magazine might serve as a vehicle for connection and community building.
After fighting an extended legal battle against the state of Arizona — in which he represented himself and eventually won his freedom — Hayden dedicated himself to improving the lives of at-risk and incarcerated youth in Arizona and in Oakland, California. While pursuing his undergraduate degree (after which he planned to attend law school), he accepted a position with Communities United for Restorative Youth Justice (CURYJ) so he might advocate for a humane transition away from juvenile incarceration. He also participated in Beat Within Poetry Events, sharing his stories and truths with the community.
In recent years, Hayden mostly lived abroad in Peru and Paris, taking advantage of his aptitude for languages and building a life with his girlfriend, Josselyn.
In his brief time on this earth, Hayden endured unimaginable pain. And yet, despite the abuse he suffered as a child, and despite his incarceration in an adult facility at the age of fifteen and the trauma inflicted upon him there, he never succumbed to bitterness. When given the opportunity to share his story and his ideas, he made it a point, time and again, to not only explore his darkest moments, but to express his solidarity with and concern for all at-risk and incarcerated youth.
His capacity for empathy was boundless, and his eagerness to make a tangible difference in the lives of the marginalized and oppressed will continue to inspire those who knew him.
Thank you, Zach, for capturing the heart and intention Hayden brought to each and every person he met and obstacle he faced. He inspires us to fight for more than we’re given, and to never settle for less than we deserve.
We leave our readers now with a piece from Hayden that illustrates his powerful vulnerability and unwavering commitment to collective liberation. May his spirit live on, and may we all find the courage within ourselves to shift our paradigms toward justice.
Paradigm Shift
I tell myself — no, I beg myself — to pick up the pen and write the documents. But I can’t. I’m held back by cyclic fear, sadness, anger, longing, and confusion. The papers will save me, I tell myself. But I can’t even bring myself to write them. It is torture…pure torture. I hold the keys to my freedom, yet somehow, I have forbidden myself from forming the thoughts to pick them up, find the right one, put it in the lock, and turn it.
I can’t do it.
I can’t do it.
I can’t do it.
What is knowledge but the otherwise useless extrapolation of thoughts for the productive process? Who am I to challenge the rules that lay the realm of ignorant judges and lawmakers? Who am I to desire to change the world? The laws are set; they are meant to be broken, but not in the criminal sense. All I have to do is write the documents.
I am a stubborn person. I have never been afraid to challenge the establishment, yet I am filled with fear. I am like a sponge. I’m bright and easy to find, and I absorb everything, good and bad, until it makes me choke and want to die. Who am I?
Can I really break the chain off myself, and countless others bound by ignorant laws and judges with beige paper and a flexible jail pen? Are my arguments enough to set us all free? You see, I can’t just fight for myself. It’s not about me anymore. It’s a matter of principle and collective struggle. It’s about all of us. All incarcerated youth.
I’m walking a path I could never have conceived, but it’s one that I am nevertheless grateful to have discovered. Should I have to return to prison, I will find my way back to this work that has come to define me. But I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that. I’m hoping to gain the freedom to fight for those who are hurting most.
-Hayden Renato
The Beat couldn’t agree more, Hayden. We are forever grateful for your fight, and for all the love you put into this world. We’ll miss you terribly. Rest in peace.