by Freddy Huante, San Quentin State Prison, CA
This month is kind of hard for me. I have been down since I have been nineteen years old. My birthday is in November, and being in here, I am now thirty years old. I am tired of being in prison.
I have done so much work already and still have so much to do. I wish so badly I never did the things I have done that led me to come to prison doing eighty-one-years-to-life, and this being my first time ever being in trouble. It’s a lot to ponder on.
I ask God, why do I have to go through all these struggles? It’s hard and I want things to be different than how my life is at this moment. I don’t believe that I will be in here forever, but it’s hard to not really know a hundred percent what will happen!
I think I have to focus on the things I am working towards like “connecting the dots” on why I have chosen the decisions I have made to come to prison and doing eighty-one-years-to-life. I’m working on getting my college degree, figuring out what I want to do with my life in general and what kind of man I want to be while I am here on earth.
I have to think about how I would like people to be impacted by my life in their own lives. I am doing my best to be grateful for what I am able to do and not what I don’t have right now in this moment. I have thoughts bad and good, but I know I have people I can always ask for help and I am working hard to be a better me today.
Even though I have certain thoughts, I am still able to choose how I live every day and encourage not only myself but whoever you are: It’s never too late to change and strive to be a better version of yourself.