by Unique Bishop, CCWF in Chowchilla, CA
I remember when my boyfriend Lee B was shot, we were having problems in our relationship. He started cheating on me. I started cheating on him, and I started wanting to let go of this relationship but I couldn’t because I loved him so much. But I was too afraid to let him know or even show it because I wanted to prove to him he wasn’t hurting me.
I was young and all my young life I lived with so much pride and wanted to be everything but me, because I was told to never show my emotions. So I never revealed my heart. I will always regret how I never gave him the real UNIQUE. One night he knocked on my door. It was about two weeks of us playing games with each other.
I opened the door and I was shocked to see him standing there with tears in his eyes, telling me how much he loves me and he was sorry for everything. He told me he wanted to make it work. I didn’t know what to say because I was still very surprised that he was so open to explore his feelings for me. I was touched. I walked up to him and put my arms around his neck and I said three words: “Tomorrow’s not promised.”
At that moment we forgave each other and he went home. That morning I got a call from one of my friends. She tells me Lee B was shot and it’s not looking too good. I got up screaming. My mother ran in the room asking me what was wrong. I told her you have to take me to the hospital. We showed up at Carson hospital and he was placed in ICU. I had a family member working there that we ended up running across while we were there.
The Doctor told me I couldn’t see Lee B because I wasn’t on the visiting list. I thought I was gon’ lose it because I had so much to tell him. I felt if he could only hear my voice saying he would make it out this situation, everything would be ok.
My cousin who was working at the hospital saw me breaking down and he said, “Hold up. I’m going to let you in to see him. Just wait. I walked through the ICU door. His room was the first room to my left.
As I approached the window to get a look at him, I froze, and as I walked out the doors I seen doctors and nurses running past me, going straight to his room. Everything was moving in slow motion and when I sat down, I knew he was gone. My mom was holding me, my cousin walked up and said he didn’t make it. That broke me and the only thing came to mind were those three little words, “Tomorrow’s not promised.”
I hate those words. I hate that he didn’t stay with me that night because he would still be here with me. I hate that I wasn’t able to express my feelings and tell him how much he meant to me, and how I truly loved him with all my heart. Sometimes we get caught in the moment and we think of revenge more than working the problem out.
Don’t let it get to that point. Don’t worry about hurting people. Work on fixing people because I ran out of time. SMH.