Greetings friends! Forgive the delay with this latest issue, as we welcome you to the latest Beat issue 28.15/16! Yes, we had a couple of glitches over the last couple of weeks, but we are now working to get back on track. This latest 76-pager is full of great writing and we tip our cap to many of you solid contributors who step up each week in our weekly workshops to share your truths, your art, and all your ideas that give hope and inspiration. Speaking of inspiration, big props to you writers who have earned the privilege to have your own personal section/corner in The Beat Within. Some of you may wonder what it takes to have your own column, it is simply 500 words or more over two weeks. Or maybe it’s writing 100-plus words on 2 of our topics each week. With that said, let’s pass the keyboard over to OT to share some of his latest insights with us readers. OT!
There are days, weeks, even months, that just seem not to go our way. Sometimes the problems just pile up like a ton of bricks, or like horse manure in a barn, or like snow in those deadly blizzards that swallowed up houses and people couldn’t even move from their cars. I think you get my drift.
So to start with, I think the relationship I had with my lady that left to the United States is pretty much over, which that may be a good thing. Next, my step-son was taken from my custody which I honored their request because I didn’t want to go to legal battles.
Then my computer flatlines with all my music that I record and all my writing in it. Which left me lost in the dark. I had to re-learn how to use a PC, which is not that hard. I work off the OneDrive now, which is freaking a mess, as it slows me down considerably. Then I get into an argument with the only woman that I really consider as my mom (my aunt) for no apparent and stupid reason.
I’m probably going to end up getting into an argument with my uncle too for some stupid shhh and since y’all already reading this, I will explain a little bit. So basically my uncle who lives in SSF (South San Francisco) is coming to visit me like always, but he asked me to pay for half of his ticket, and I said yes if he would allow me to pack half the briefcase with clothes and shoes, because my birthday is coming up and I wanted to treat myself good. You know some Air Maxes, some Jay’s, a 49er Jacket, Warriors and Giant’s Gear, Bay stuff you know? So, we had a deal, and now he’s saying no and still wants me to pay for half his ticket. I told him to kick rocks.
Sounds childish, but I’m not even traveling to another country to vacation, I think that a favor for a favor sounds fair. Then I find out about a friend who I love, admire and deeply care for is sick. So keep piling up, and piling up and compound with the fact that I feel so damn out of place right now, alone.
Oooo I hear the devil tap dancing on my shoulder right now having a field day, with all my negative thoughts. Sheesh! “No one cares about you!” “Just do it.” “The world would be better off without you.” “No one misses you, and no one will miss you once I’m gone.” For those of you who lie and say you’ve never had suicidal thoughts at all, you’re lying to me.
Many people don’t like speaking about this topic, because it feels sort of taboo, plus I know if you say something like this while in Juvenile Hall they may take you into that unit where they make you just sit there without nothing and with hardly any clothes on. But many of us have gone through some serious shhh in life where it makes you question not only God’s existence but yours as well. The devil wears Prada. But the devil wears Gucci and Jordan’s too. He might actually even wear a robe!
Point is evil comes in all shapes and sizes and forms. Evil thoughts can creep into anyone at their weakest moments. It has happened. I have had dark thoughts plenty of times, and all these problems that seem so miniscule, can piggy off the ones that I already have, like not having any communication or relationship with my daughters. Not actually doing as many workshops and not seeing my favorite co-workers or you fellas handsome faces, being away from my family and friends.
It’s funny how we all like to claim we are strong, and believe me I feel strong, but every strong man or woman has their weak moments. Even in the movies you see the superheroes getting their butt-whooped by evil until they muster enough courage and confidence to overcome adversity.
But what you see in the movies is not the same in real life. We’re not super heroes. We don’t have special powers and instead we all turn to different methods to try and heal our pain. We tend to turn to substances and liquids that make us feel like superheroes. Some of us turn to gangbanging, sex, money, and by the way, money is needed for all this, so now you have a new vice to add to your overall budget.
It’s the devil tapdancing in your ear, or is it my ear? Luckily for me, I have an addiction to words, reading and writing. It feels so good to write down things on the pen and pad, and yes pen and pad fellas ‘cause my Mac ain’t working and this PC sucks! Words, poetry, music, and not that weak shhh y’all be listening nowadays telling you to pop pills and that the whole world is against you. I listen to Jazz, RnB, 2Pac, Nipsey Hussle, Young Jeezy, Old School Bay Area Music, Spanish Music, Romantic music, music that really inspires me to keep living.
Words, words and words. We all need to hear them. We all need to hear words of encouragement and positivity. We all need to hear that magical phrase from our mama’s, our baby mamas, our girlfriends, our boyfriends, our husbands, our wives, our friends, “I love you.” I mean what would this world be without any love? What would your life feel without any love? Many of you are sitting there and probably thinking I’m going soft on you, and if that’s what you think, I’ll smack you upside the head because what I’m saying is some real as shhh.
We’d all be lost without love. We’d all be lost if we were living this world alone. Us human beings were meant to be loved. That’s why you got your squad, your click, your girl/man, because it’s the love that holds us down. It’s love that conquers the feeling of being alone. It’s love that helps us get through life when times get hard. It’s love when you’re in the hospital and your friends and family come to visit. It’s love when you are in jail and that person comes to pay you a visit. Come on, do you still think I’m not telling you really what it is?
So as the devil keeps tapdancing by my ear, I might just dance with him and tell him to get the bleep out of here. Yes, it’s tough being alone, living alone, striving on your own. You know negative thoughts always tend to appear when we don’t need them the most, to weigh you down and see if you break. Resistance, perseverance, those two words are important. So as I sit here and cry about my problems that now don’t seem so great. They don’t seem so big, compared to some of yours especially. They’re gone, blown into the wind of non-existence, disintegrating with every word I type, with every breath I take and with every negative thought I bounce out of my head. What was this spiel about again?
Ahhhh, words, feeling alone, dealing with obstacles. That’s what life is all about. Whenever you are feeling alone, lost and without love in this world, don’t use it as an excuse to act like an idiot and treat the world with disrespect. Give back into this world what you expect in return no matter how hard life has been on you. You still have life and plenty of it. We all go through the motions of the struggle, whatever the struggle may be by your definition, but remember what would life be without these struggles. How would we ever appreciate the little things in life. Our next breath, our next meal, the sound of music, watching a movie. How would we ever appreciate life itself?
Alone…we’re never alone. When you think you are, write it down in words and you will see when you’re done…that we’re never truly alone. One love for everybody going through the struggle. Love y’all. OT is signing out with the utmost love and respect! The Beat keeps going and going…
All right friends, thank you for reading our latest editorial note. Big props and tons of love to OT for stepping up in this issue to share his take on fighting loneliness, as we hope you too will find, or have found inspiration to continue to make writing a habit and keeping yourself safe and healthy.
You all are doing great work to inspire in the pages of The Beat Within. Remember to keep writing us, even when you leave your current situation, our door is always open to you. Your voice matters. Your story matters.