by JV, Sacramento
Yes, I lie to myself to make me feel better and more confident about myself, and to also benefit myself. And people lie to me all the time, so I don’t really think lying to myself means too much. In certain situations, I am afraid about the truth, for example, to lie to myself afraid to get in trouble or get locked up to save my freedom. It is my fear. I am really not afraid of jail, I am afraid to not see my family, call whenever I want, hug on them, hang with them, and mostly be there for them.
I never told myself too many lies, and I really never tried to believe that it was true. I have lied to myself about my time, like I am going home my next court date, so I could get to my family faster. I lie to myself when I say I won’t come back to jail ever again, but I ended up back in jail twice again. I lie to myself when I said I am a good person but keep getting myself back in jail over and over.
I lie to myself when I say I am going to change my ways, but then the next day I forget everything I said and go hang with some friends and go do things that I know I am not safe doing and should not be doing. I lie to myself when I say I am going to be a better person for myself, and my family, and then I go back to doing the things I was doing before.
I also lie to myself saying I need glasses in jail, but really just want them for court so it makes me look good, so I could get a good outcome for when I get out of court. I do lie to others a lot though, to either like not hurt someone’s feelings with the truth, or to either not get in trouble and then get myself out of trouble. Or to also try and get something I want or something I want to accomplish. That is why I lie to myself and others, and examples of why I lie and do what I do.