Greetings friends…. Here we are embracing the last days of March, with Spring in the air, as we go into the month of April. Plenty happening in our world, and we can only hope life is treating you and your loved ones well. Remember to take the time to show some love to the ones you care about the most. This week we have OT back in the pages of the editorial note.
We welcome you readers back to another powerful edition, 28.11/12, of The Beat Within. This is OT reporting live to you from the hot volcanic rocks and the extra hard blowing winds of this tropical country of Managua, Nicaragua.
I am privileged and tasked with the opportunity to go ahead and provide some words of wisdom to all you readers. First off, I hope you are all doing well physically, mentally and spiritually.
I’m going to write about afraid of change. I need y’all to pay attention real close and it doesn’t matter if you’re locked up or free. First off I’m 37 years old, and I didn’t get this far in life on purpose, it actually happened by accident. I was once sitting in those same exact seats in juvenile hall as many of you currently sit during our writing workshops.
I once had to read those same topics, the same ones you write about, and I used to always think about things in my life. I was an immigrant in the United States. My entire family migrated from Nicaragua to avoid the poverty and civil war that was going on in my country. I was too blinded by the streets to even consider the sacrifices my family made in just bringing us to a country with more opportunities.
After doing two years in juvenile hall, catching up on my school credits, doing a lot of self-reflecting, my fear of change totally consumed me into a paranoia state of mind. I remember my mom would come visit me at the halls. She would come visit me at the ranch and she would always ask me if I was going to change and leave the streets alone and I would always lie and tell her, yes.
I knew deep down in my heart that once I got out, I was going all out. I was too worried thinking what would my enemies, haters, homeboys think of me if I decide to be legit? Mind you this was way before social media, but word of mouth gets around quick, and back then the streets were the streets.
Now, I come from different times but the different times I come from still have a few things in common with the times of today. Life is all about making good, healthy and positive choices. Life is all about helping each other, uplift one another and bring out the best in each other. Life is about returning all your blessings that you received in your life to people who need them and there are plenty.
I was always afraid of change because as natural humans we are all afraid of the unknown. I mean change, think about it. What does that even mean? What does that even look like? You can’t even picture it in your mind or your imagination.
It sounds scary! Trying to accomplish and formulate a new you that you can’t even see. But the fear within ourselves is what actually holds us back from accomplishing anything in life. Whether that be your goals and dreams of getting married with your significant other, being a business owner, being a doctor, an athlete, creating your own non-profit, etc.
Fear, fear, fear. All these aforementioned things starts with changing the way you approach life, the way you see it, the way you treat it and the way you appreciate it. Many of us come from rough homes, single parent households, some even with no parents and drug infested communities. We become products of environments because as humans we adapt with the soul goal to survive.
The online world has changed a lot of that and many of you (not just the youth, but adults too) live in a fantasy world where all we see are models, rap artists, conspiracy theories telling you what life is, distracting you from the real beautiful person you’re suppose grow and be molded into.
When I got out of juvenile back in 2005-2006, I had no intentions on changing my way of thinking. My ambitions were to keep moving up the hierarchy the criminal underworld or as most of you young people would call it “status.”
But along the way towards these wild and crazy ambitions, I had the blessing, honor, and privilege to work for The Beat Within. Working at The Beat I met many great people trying to make a difference in the lives of the youth, it wasn’t about the money.
Helping people out in life is not a lucrative business unless you’re a doctor, a hospital, or physical therapist. I had the opportunity to meet some of the nicest people in the world. I had the honor of not only meeting but developing great and amazing friendships with people like David I, Michael Kroll, Lisa Lavaysse, and too many more to name.
The Beat Within put me in a position to help youth get employment, get housing, enroll in school, and help them escape the shackles that the street life can place on you. It also helped me figure out what I wanted to do in life, which was help people in whatever capacity that I could. But the fear of changing never let me reach my full potential. I was helping people out on one end and once I got off work, I was back on the block doing the exact opposite.
Fear is a very powerful feeling. Eventually I would stop working at The Beat because of my time in federal prison. I would eventually stop living in San Francisco, all together, because my actions sent me to another country.
But let me tell you guys something, once I got to prison. There was no longer any fear. It was weird. I spent my whole life running away from fully transforming myself into the man I was destined to be that once I got to prison, there was no longer any running. Matter of fact there was nowhere to run or hide.
Even though I took the street-mind set into the prison setting, once I was released, I was no longer afraid of change. At that point, I had seen too many crazy things in the streets, in prison, and really, I had nothing to lose. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a work in progress. For anything to grow it has to go through a process, and that process takes time. I made it a goal for myself to not be afraid of change, to not let fear take away from the person that I am supposed to be.
Every day, I would reflect on my day and think about what I did throughout the day and that wouldn’t just be physical activities. Yes, I worked out, I read, I educated myself, but not only did I evaluate all those things that are visibly easy to see, I would look back at all my interactions on the day, and I would make sure I treated people right.
Did I wake up with a bad attitude? Did I say good morning to all my guys? Did I check up on someone who needed some advice or just someone to hear them out? Did I see someone who needed help and ignore them? I had to really dig deep within myself and make sure that my actions were in line with the person I wanted to be.
Slowly I was changing without even realizing it. Many of you people reading this are really smart. You have some great goals and dreams. You readers are much smarter than I was when I was your age, I’ll give you that for sure. But don’t let the fear of the unknown stop you from reaching your true potential. I look at you young men and women and see some future counselors, teachers, firemen, doctors, hair stylists, business owners, rappers, dunk champions, singers, but most importantly I see some of the most beautiful young people, ready to make a difference in your communities. Don’t be afraid of change. Don’t be afraid to be a leader.
One love to all of you going through the struggle. OT is signing off with the utmost love and respect! The Beat keeps going and going..
What more can we say? It has been such an honor to work with OT over the years and watch this amazing human transform from the juvenile he once was, to the man he is today. Nothing but love to OT. With that said, we also see many of you readers slowly making the turn for the better. Nothing happens overnight. It may start with writing in The Beat, and slowly taking those words and putting them into action. We encourage you to keep reading our elders in the back of this magazine, from our San Quentin, to CCWF to our various BWO writers most of them have made or are in the process of change. Stay in touch, thanks for all you do for yourself and for this writing community.