by On The Journey To My True Self, San Diego
First are my trust issues. Growing up, my dad promised me something and would never follow through with anything he promised me. Then, when I got a little older, I started dating, and boys really taught me you can’t trust anyone no matter what they say or do. My mother also gave me trust issues, always lying to me all the time.
Then, the trust issues really started to grow on me from forming a lot of new bonds and relationships. Soon, I started realizing that I was losing interest in meeting new people. I started to really think about what was wrong with that, and how it was affecting me. I felt like I only attracted people who wanted to hurt me, so I just stopped trying to meet new people, and decided to stay by myself.
I did a lot of self-reflection and started to realize maybe it was stronger to just give up, and maybe it’s because people don’t meet someone like me on the daily. People always mess up with me ‘cause I’m put in their life to be a lesson. I can’t say there haven’t been days when I’ve blamed myself, or days when I have asked God what was wrong with me. The more I thought outside of it all, I always remembered I gave everyone my whole self, and that’s all I could do.
I’ve got to get up and move on someday, you know, and I know God is putting me through every obstacle I need to go through to find my true self. Most of my life, I blamed myself, but as an almost sixteen-year-old girl, I realized that this was always my fate, whether I liked it or not. God always has a discipline and a reward, and it’s up to you to decide which one you would rather have.