It’s hard to believe the Winter Holidays are upon us. We want to wish you and your family and friends the best holiday season and new year, as we all aim to make 2023 the best year yet! We are super grateful to our holiday artists this year, from our latest cover artist, Michael Sperling, to Olegario Ambriz to our young star, Elder in San Mateo. All this amazing work if not showcased in this latest issue, will be shared in our year end issue, and our holiday letter/eblast to our friends, colleagues and supporters.
It’s that time once again to share some words of wisdom from our dear friend OT in Nicaragua, who has been manning this note for most of this year, if not the whole year. Yes, we certainly hope in 2023 we can share this space with other equally amazing colleagues and partners who are game to write our editorial note.
All right, enjoy this powerful one of a kind double issue, 27.45/46, of The Beat Within. There is plenty to read, share and be inspired by.
Before I begin, happy holidays to all of you and your families. I hope that when you receive this positive message that you are all in the best of health physically, mentally and spiritually.
I’m going to touch upon the a very popular topic this week that many of you wrote about, ‘worst critic.’ It was a blessing reading all of your great insight and giving me the privilege into your great minds and letting me know how you think and move. Many of you said you are your own worst critic, some of you said relatives, siblings, judges, POs, some even said their girl/boyfriend.
See being a critic is easy nowadays. All you have to do is drop a comment on your favorite social media platform, whether that’s YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, Snap, whatever. See I don’t do social media and I don’t do it for that simple fact that everyone has a voice now and no one uses it for something more constructive either than point the finger at someone else.
In the era I grew up in, there was still some accountability that we had to have. We were taught to deal with the consequences of our actions, and not complain. It’s what we signed up for right? Right! Wrong! See some of us hardly get to choose because we’re born into it, or fate and destiny would wrap us up like the tortilla on your favorite burrito, only to be chewed, gnawed, bitten, eaten and swallowed up whole.
Growing up the gang culture was prevalent and dominant in the Latino culture and I was always around it because obviously I lived in the aspiring neighborhoods. Since the 49ers were a hot thing when I was growing up, naturally being from the area, I was a die-hard Niners fan from the moment I got to San Francisco. It was something to root for, something to take pride in. It’s a culture that I also absorbed and loved, but a positive one, but with a flip-side that I will get to in a minute.
I had Joe Montana’s jersey, as well as Roger Craig, Ronnie Lott, John Taylor, and my personal favorite, Jerry Rice. The 49er’s had just won the Super Bowl when my family first got there and yes, we won again the following year. I hate to talk about football so much, but I have to educate y’all especially you young 49ers fans that really missed out on the glory years. We were a contender year in and year out. Our arch rivals were, America’s Team, Dallas Cowboys, up against their hall of fame Quarterback Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith and Michael Irvin.
Just so you can get the intensity of the rivalry the 49ers and Cowboys would face off three straight years for the NFC Championship game, and we would lose two out of three before Steve Young took over and we were able to win in the third one. By the way y’all should check out the highlights on YouTube about our boy Steve Young. He was raw. That year we beat the Cowboys we would eventually move on to beat the San Diego Chargers in the Super Bowl. Enough of football history
Since I had been a diehard Niners fan growing up, I didn’t think that it would lead me almost losing my life. I was staying in the Mission at my Aunt’s house from my dad’s side of the family and me and my cousin were hungry and we wanted to go buy an It’s It. For those of you who never had an It’s It, eat one. It is like an ice-cream cookie sandwich. Hella good. So off we went to the up all night Video rentals store. There was no Netflix back in our days, or Amazon Prime, or cool apps to watch stuff, we had to go to Hollywood Video, Blockbuster Video, to rent the latest movies.
I had my Jerry Rice jersey on when we were on our way back eating my It’s It, when some guys pulled up in a car and pulled out a gun on us and chased us. Honestly, I was running for my life, we were hauling fast like an ostrich. Me and my cousin decided to split up once we reached the park, and we cut through the park and met up at the end just to hear the tires screeching and gun shots going off. We were ducking behind cars and I heard the bullets hit some of the cars, clink, clink, clink. Then we heard the car peel off.
We were luckily just a block away from home, and ran in as my mom and my aunt saws us and started yelling at us for being out in the streets. We told them we went to get something to eat. But they didn’t listen.
In the street culture you were either a 49er or a Cowboy, and I chose the 49ers. My mentality was like I’ve already almost gotten killed for wearing my favorite jersey.
At the time my worst critic was my grandma. She would chase away my friends from the house with a broom and she would dissect everything I did, from the time I woke up, from the way I dressed to what I ate for breakfast, and making sure I was home on time. I thought she was picking on me and couldn’t understand what I was going through.
Even though I was a bad kid, I had always respected my elders and I still do ‘till this very day. So one day I decided to ask my granny, “Hey abuelita, how come you are always criticizing me. I get enough criticism at school and in the streets and from the rest of my family.”
She said, “I criticize you because it’s your job to do it not me, but you’re too young to understand.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, all innocently.
“You have to be your own worst critic,” and she continued, “you have to set your own standard and not only meet the expectations you have for yourself in your life, but exceed them and learn how to persevere from all of your challenges in life. Stop making excuses.”
I was too young to understand all the excuses I made for why I got into the street life. Or why I wasn’t successful. Or why I got locked up. It had nothing to do with the outside world. I was too busy trying to put in work and get a good critique from my peers, that I completely forgot about my own goals and dreams. I had to have my own expectations and standards.
Twenty years later, I finally get it. Be your own worst critic means focusing on what you can improve every day to be a great person. It’s not about being good, or doing better, It’s about trying to be great in every positive aspect. So, I am my own worst critic now because I set high standards for myself. My goal in life was always to be a great person, and that’s a process. No one’s perfect. So, I criticize myself every day for everything I do to make sure I do things right.
One love to everybody going through the struggle. OT signing off with the utmost love and respect for you all. And The Beat keeps going and going…Gone!
Thank you OT, for sharing your ‘worse critic” story with us readers. We are glad you are here today to share, inspire and give hope to our many-many readers.
Enjoy this latest issue, as our next issue will be our year-end issue. Again, it is hard to believe 2022 is coming to an end. We certainly hope you all have found this past year to be a year where you have fond growth, hope and inspiration, as we are ready to embrace 2023. Stay in touch, we love to hear from you. Thanks again for picking up this latest issue. Enjoy the winter holidays. Sending you all love and respect.