by Efren Bullard, Ironwood State Prison, Blythe, CA
It’s been a while since I last sent you (The Beat) something worth reading. For the past few months I’ve been working very hard on this Commutation of Sentence. I’m trying to get the Governor of California to reduce my sentence from Life Without Parole to Life With Parole so that I can have the opportunity to go to Board for release one day.
I just finished it and mailed it to my brother so he can send it into the Governor’s office. Now, I want to move forward and let you in on a little something that’s very important to me and hopefully you too after you read this.
People will disappoint you in life. I was speaking to my brother on the phone the other day and I was telling him that the lawyer I spoke to may be able to help me get my sentence reduced on this code known as 1170(d).03. This is a code that allows any inmate who was eighteen or younger and was sentenced to Life Without Parole to petition the court for re-sentencing or to be found as an unreasonable risk to society and released on the spot from court.
Now, this may cost three to five thousand dollars to get me back in court. Pay attention. My brother has the money and always brags to me about the money he has in the bank from his job that he has been at for the last twenty-one years working at the hospital. He talks about his 401K, Roth Account and how he has saved over three hundred thousand dollars as of today.
He has told me that he will do whatever it takes to get me out of prison. So when I told him how much it might cost, he said, “N-word, I got about three thousand dollars for you and that’s it.” I was mad and very disappointed because he has told me many times that the money wasn’t a problem.
I been locked up since the age of eighteen. I came to jail in 1993. I will be 48 years old on November 19th. I say these things to you because I’m not bitter. Disappointed, yes. Yet, I will never give up on myself because I’m very important to me! No matter what anyone thinks of me I refuse to quit! My dreams of freedom are in the front of my mind and that means, “I have to focus.”
I can’t let no one defeat me and I can’t let others make me defeat myself. You, that’s sitting in Juvenile Hall right now, have to focus on your freedom. Focus on educating yourself. Focus on changing your life for the better. Don’t allow others to defeat you.
Don’t allow others to break your spirit. If you know someone who doesn’t believe in your dreams, smile and go on to be the best person you can be. I tell people all the time, “I’d rather die trying to get out of prison, then go back to being the old ignorant me.” I refuse to allow anger in my life. I refuse to let disappointment control me.
I refuse to let my own brother rain on my parade. My life has been horrible and I made other people’s life worse than mines because I murdered two people in 1993.
I’m very remorseful and very sorry for my actions.
My fight for freedom will be hard, but life was hard for me and I screwed it up. All I can do is continue to fight for the dreams that I wish for myself. Continue to fight for your dreams too. You are truly worth it. If no one else believes in you, know this: I BELIEVE IN YOU.
I wish you all happiness and a long life. I wish you all freedom with hopes that you have learned something on this journey that will help you to never commit another crime. I hope I’ve said something that made you think about life. Your life spent with the people you love and not with people that you already know in your heart, “DON’T LOVE YOU.”