Greetings friends! Welcome to our latest double issue, 27.17/18, of writing and art from inside the system and beyond. There is plenty of solid content to read and find inspiration from, but before we get there, let’s make sure we hear from the one and only OT, as he leads us off with this latest editorial note.
Well, if you checked out the previous issue, I was letting off some steam and letting y’all know that I was going through some thangs. The reason why I did that, was to show y’all that we’re all human. Many of you ask me, who have the privilege of working with me, “Omar, how are you doing?”
“I’m good!” Is what I always reply.
In reality I may have been having a bad day but I don’t like to bore y’all with my problems, especially since y’all have problems of your own. Plus, most of y’all probably don’t give a rat’s tail about what I’m going through because the way you see it, I have my freedom. What problems can OT possibly have in Nicaragua?
The truth of the matter is, I wanted to go ahead and show my vulnerability and let you know that everything ain’t all peaches and cream. It’s okay to say I’ve been having a bad day, a bad week, or things just don’t seem to be going exactly how you want them to go.
That’s how I felt last week, or that’s how I feel a lot of the times. I feel like I’m being pressured, or I feel like the pressure is on, but I have to remain rock solid. After all, pressure on a rock makes diamonds, right? I’m that diamond in the rough and I’m gonna continue to shine no matter what.
Something, weird, but great, filled with lots of responsibility, just happened to me. Well, I could say that I made it happen. So, I recently adopted a twelve year old youngster by the name of Bryan. He was my ex-girlfriend’s son, as she recently left to the USA illegally, to find work and get money.
She couldn’t take her son because it was an obvious dangerous journey. It took her nearly two weeks to get from Nicaragua all the way to Mexico and into the custody of the Border Patrol Agents in Texas. She made it. There were plenty of scary moments throughout her trip, (as we constantly talked), especially when you get close to the border because the drug cartels have everything sewed up.
She described during her trip many scary stories in which she thought she would either be kidnapped, or killed, but that’s another story. The reason I am giving you this background information is just so you know the kid was already calling me dad because of our previous relationship. So, when she left, she left him in custody of her Aunt, which is the place we were all living in at one point.
In a nutshell, since our breakup, the kid wasn’t going to school, he wasn’t getting fed, and I constantly had to keep passing by every day to drop him off lunch and dinner. I would take him to the park, take him out to eat, take him to the arcade, and it was all love. I wasn’t expecting anything in return. So, during one of our conversations, while we were at the park playing basketball with him and a friend, and yes, yo’ boy was balling, hitting them threes and schooling these young kids with that mean cross-over, he told me that he no longer wanted to be at the house.
He said he was getting mistreated, and he wanted to know if he could come stay with me. I told him that it would be difficult due to the fact that his aunt had legal custody of him, but I told him that I would talk to his mom, and also, he should talk to his mom, and tell her that he wanted to be with me.
I couldn’t just take the young fellow, ‘cause I also didn’t want to be put in a position where I would be accused of kidnapping. But I did let him know that I was willing to do it and the ball started rolling from there.
He talked to his mom and his mom talked to me and said that she would rather have him with me then with his aunt. I told her I was up for it, but I had met fierce resistance from her family because of the reasons I am about to get into. In the 2 years I was in the relationship with that woman, I never seen any of her family, call him, celebrate his birthday, buy him a Happy Meal or even check on his well-being. His family wanted to keep him because they thought that once my ex started working that she would send them money for taking care of her kid. Basically, they were seeing dollar signs, and I know it sounds shady, but it’s true.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was the fact that I kept coming around the house, checking on him, giving him his lunch money, and for consecutive days, they gave him barely to little food, mind you I had just bought groceries for him on her behalf so the aunt could cook. She gave the kid two fried eggs and a piece of bread for lunch; I would take pictures and send them to his mom. Even the poorest of the poor here in this country eat rice, beans, cheese, salad for lunch, and just so you know, they’re not that poor. Needless to say, her effort wasn’t there, she was mistreating him, I would bring snacks and food, and the other people in the house would eat the food I would bring for him.
I’m only giving you this information just to put it into perspective what Bryan was going through. This is not to talk smack about anybody. He would call me crying, complaining, and finally after resisting so much, his aunt caved in one day. She called and told me that she saw that I was coming around every day, and that I was serious about being involved in his life. She asked me if I would like to get full custody of him? She said she was getting old, and she was already taking care of her two granddaughters.
Long story short, the move was made. He is now living with me and well, I guess I’m a dad now. I have my own two twin daughters which I extremely love, which live in Vallejo, CA. They are 16 now.
I would say that my failures as a father started off with me being involved in gangs and the criminal street life. Even though during my short time as a dad, (Got locked up when they were four years old) I gave them lots of love, toys, great memories, and most importantly love and affection, though our relationship has deteriorated heavily. I went to prison for 4 years, then got deported to Nicaragua and been here now going on nine years.
Even though we used to talk and text heavily in the past, I no longer get replies from them whenever I text them, “Love you. Have a great day at school.” I’d be lucky if I get a reply within the week, and sometimes within the month. I’m still waiting on a reply right now from a message I sent three weeks ago. As a father, that is probably the most painful thing to go through, especially for fathers like me, that let the temptations of the street life strip us from those we love. I still love them obviously, but will I get to see them or communicate or be a dad in their lives, is still hard to tell?
However, this did not factor into the decision I just made of adopting Bryan. I remember growing up, I had a couple of stepdads, and they accepted me and treated me like their son. Heck, I had coaches that would look out for me, people I didn’t even know used to buy me things for school or give me support when I needed it.
As a youngster and as a young immigrant Nicaraguan kid in an estranged country, that would eventually become my home and all I would ever come to know, I was blessed. So, it’s only right that I pay that blessing forward and help out this young boy that desperately needs my help and is personally asking for it. See, life works in mysterious ways. Sometimes, you just must man-up and take responsibility in doing the right thing. Sometimes the right thing, doesn’t sound cool or appealing, but it must be done.
The right thing is helping. The right thing is being there for those you love and for those who need it, just as you would expect those that love you, to be there for you. So, I leave you all with these final words of making a difference. You don’t have to save the world. You don’t even have to save your community. First and foremost, save yourself from whatever negative path you’re even thinking about trekking, and then try to make a difference in the life of someone you love. All it takes is for you to make a difference in one life, and that impact will be felt so much that the same person, will have no choice but to pay it forward. So here I am paying it forward.
One love for everyone going through the struggle. Stand up for what is right. OT is signing out with the utmost love and respect for all of you. And The Beat keeps going and going…
Congratulations OT on your adoption. We wish you and Bryan nothing but the best. We also hope you hear from your daughters soon. Thank you as always for what you do and being the amazing colleague that you are.
Enjoy this latest issue of The Beat Within. We appreciate all you writers, artists and readers of this beautiful and one-of-a-kind issue. Please stay in touch when the time is right. We appreciate hearing from you.