by Efren Bullard, Ironwood State Prison in Blythe, CA
Hope is the one thing that I never had. To be told (by my lawyer and the courts) that Life Without Parole means that, “I can never go home,” was the most pain I ever felt in my life. I felt like my life was over. Like no matter how old I get, no one would ever give me a chance.
So I became very angry and violent until I was 40 years old. That’s when I began to realize, “I had to give myself a chance.” That’s when hope kicked in for me. I turned my life around because I didn’t want to wait for someone else to believe in me.
Hope is the one thing you can never lose because you will end up hurting yourself in the long run and the people who really love you.
I have hope of one day being free to pick and choose where I want to eat, sleep drive and go. I have hope that one day I will be able to tell all of my victims’ face to face that I’m sorry for the pain and trauma I caused them.
I have this hope because today I’m a better person for believing in myself. Never lose hope.