by NV, Sonoma
I think maybe I need to be on ankle monitor just a little bit longer
So I can show you I’m stronger than they system
Makes me seem no matter how much you try
You can’t keep silencing me
You can’t keep telling lies about my family
Nobody knows how bad the system got for me
Nobody knows they had it out for me
Nobody knows the way that they treated me
Enough about me, let’s talk about my mom
Everyday she gets into her broke down car
To go near and far
She gets her shhh together for me
But I again break the law
Don’t punish my mom just because I’m stuck on stupid
I always promise I’ll be better but I’ll never be no Cupid
I feel like hoping for home at this point
It’s just a big delusion
I keep hanging on ‘cause I swear my mom’s an angel
The relationship we’re building now is just so fragile
If you take a bigger picture and look at the different angles
Then you’ll see the kids that barely managed to escape the system
Forget your assumptions ‘cause they show right where your heart is
But beg my pardon
Forget the system too
Kids are starving
Hearts are hardened
Cops are barging
Blacks are dying
Moms’ are crying
Our hearts are broken
Took a token
On our family
Just ‘cause I’m trans you don’t get to target me
You labeled me a runaway
But I ran so I could live my days
Ran to see my brother Van to get you out my face
I understand that you wanna see me stay in one piece
But that’s difficult when the group home staff wanna complain
Nobody grasps my words when I say
They tried to end me
They really pretended and they couldn’t comprehend me
The time the group staff violated my soul
I was freshly fourteen
I just wanted some sleep
I had school in the morning
But turned out to be evil
Like the devil incarnated
Felt like it was my fault
And the guilt, I couldn’t shed it
2 years later, I still feel his hands, I can’t forget it
Pretended to be sleeping
Felt his breath on my neck
Now till this day I have a price on his head.
Don’t ever ask me, “Noelle, did you feel safe at home?”
‘Cause everyday in there I swear I feel more alone.