by Lil Los, James Ranch, Santa Clara
From the moment I Ianded on earth I can’t remember anything from before I was a four year old, but I can tell you everything after that age. I was in the mix of so much stuff. I feel like I was never able to be a child. As a young child, I was four, I seen my own mother physically attacked by my father. I was confused and scared. I didn’t know what to do or how to help.
At five years old the cops kicked in the door and took my dad from me. It sucked. I was mad because I remember that I reminded him to listen to his PO so he wouldn’t take him away from me and my little brother.
At six years I was angry and upset because my mom was with someone new and stopped paying attention to what was going on at dad’s house. Dad was still gone. I missed him. I couldn’t believe mom was barely showing her face. Doesn’t she know I need her too.
At 7 years old I went to see my Pops. He had got locked up again. We would always touch hands through the glass window even through the tiredness of holding our hand up (on the glass). Our love and bond was worth that tiny bit of pain. Going to the jail visits I knew I wasn’t a normal kid. I knew I was different.
At ten years old I hadn’t seen my mom in a few years. But I found out my mother and father were on dope. I got older and smarter which led to me putting a lot of things together. I felt ashamed. I even wished I wasn’t a part of my own family.
At 12 years old I broke down. After all these years I realized a lot and didn’t know how to take it, so I started doing bad, getting in trouble and getting locked up like my Pops. I was ashamed of going to jail to see him and now I’m on that same track.
Now that I’m 18 years old I learned to never judge or hold anything against anyone. I let the past be the past. I didn’t have a childhood, but I accept that because I am happy with what I have now. Life is too short to trip on the past. Life gets better. You have control over your life, so take advantage.