by Jesse Ayers, San Quentin State Prison, CA Rehabilitation of emotionally challenged human beings, takes people down a long, lonely road. Excavating the bones that carried the carcasses that created the fossil fuel that burned the rage inside of us, is no easy task. Can you imagine digging up a T-Rex? Staring into the skull of a terrifying T-Rex that once stalked you, hunted you down and gave you the scars that you now carry is the only way to describe the emotional pain, scars unseen carved by past trauma. “Digging up bones,” as Randy Travis once wrote, “Examine things
Continue ReadingYear: 2021
Black Tears
by Montreal Blakely, San Quentin State Prison, CA This is a story by a Black father who loses his son. Where a man should always be buried by his son, instead here I am burying my son. Lil’ Treal died December 15th, 2012. He was murdered by another Black Kid. My son was a seventeen year old football star. He was a senior in high school with a 3.8 average. He had promised his mom and I that he was going to get it up to a 4.0 before he graduated. He wasn’t a perfect son, but he was a
Continue ReadingVolume 26.39/40
Please contact Lisa Lavaysse if you would like to purchase the full PDF or a printed copy of this issue.
Continue ReadingEd Note 26.39/40
Greetings friends of The Beat Within! Welcome to our latest issue, 26.39/40. It is such an honor to share with you all this latest publication of writing and art from inside juvenile hall and beyond. Over the last month, we have been incredibly touched and humbled when dear friends, colleagues, peers, associates, and even strangers reach out to us and offer their respects to us for accomplishing 25 years of The Beat Within. It seems like yesterday we were just getting this program off the ground in San Francisco. Fast forward 25 years and wow, have we seen and done
Continue ReadingDetermined To Do Better
by DJ, Sacramento I am determined to change my old habits, to make a change. I do not know anyone who likes to be in jail, on probation or in the system their whole life. I do not want to be incarcerated my whole life and I do not want my little brothers to follow the same path. It is not worth it, and it is not worth your life. I am determined to do anything to better myself. I can better myself by expanding my learning and by making better choices. For me to succeed, it will take for
Continue ReadingMy Hero
by Jose, Santa Clara My dad is my hero. I’ve always had a good relationship with my dad. My dad was always there for me. He never let me down. He would work from 5am to 10pm at night everyday. Even though he worked late shifts, he still came home and showed me that love. There was always food on the table. He worked hard as a truck driver and as a construction worker. When I was four he was deported to Mexico. A year later, he came back. In that year that he was gone, we lost our house.
Continue ReadingI Write To Connect
by C, Sacramento I write to express myself, to release the pain, or to get things off my shoulders. It’s like if I don’t got no one to talk to, I can write my feelings down on a paper and feel better with myself. I know some of this is published, and it can help someone else by telling my story. Sometimes, they can relate to my story because I read people’s stories that are published and or some books and it helps me, as a person to do better or have a better perspective on some things in life.
Continue ReadingMy Hero
by David-Michael, Santa Clara My hero is my sister. Ever since we were young I was always getting into trouble, either if it was fighting or causing problems. My family stopped caring, started calling me a delinquent or the black sheep of the family. But my sister was never like that. She always took care of me, left dinner on the table when I would come home late, or even after a fight when I would come home bleeding and bruised up, she never judged me. She would always clean my cuts and scold me as if she was my
Continue ReadingBest Times
by Giovanni, San Mateo One of the best times in my life was when I took a trip to Yosemite with my girlfriend. It was last year on October 18th. It was our one year anniversary. I’ve been planning this for a couple of months but I never told her. I woke up at 7am that day with my bags packed. I called my girl’s mom letting her know I was gonna pick her up. I ended up driving there and woke her up. I remember her waking up and staring at me like, “What the hell.” I ended up
Continue ReadingLetter To The Little Boy That I Was
by Thomas Sheen, Avenal State Prison in Avenal, CA Dear Thomas, I am sorry, I really made a mess of your life. In all fairness, you played a part in it as well, that’s why I’m writing to you. I want to give you some perspective. In your young life, your father, sister and older brothers will be absent and you’re going to experience some physical and emotional abuse from your mom and stepdad. This will cause you to feel forgotten and rejected by your family. In school, you’re going to experience bullying in response to your kindness and you’ll
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