by Rashad, San Diego I would describe my heart as emotionally damaged from all the losses and trials and tribulations I had to go through at such a young age. I have had many broken hearts for many different reasons. From a female to family betrayal, to losing someone close to me and that I care about. I have also had a lonely heart growing up by myself. For so long, I felt I had no one but the few homies who were looking out for me. But eventually they ended up switching on me too. It only happened
Continue ReadingYear: 2021
My Memory of My Best Birthday Breakfast
by Angel, San Mateo The best breakfast I have ever had was many years ago. It was my morning birthday breakfast, if I remember correctly. I think it was on my 11th birthday. I don’t really remember all the details, but I do remember some things. I remember waking up and smelling my favorite meal which was chile rellenos, red Mexican rice, posole and this good hot sauce my mom would make. Since it was my birthday my little cousins and my siblings woke me up and started singing happy birthday to me. I was a little mad at first
Continue ReadingAdvocating For The Mentally Ill
by Michael Mackey, San Quentin State Prison, CA Well, all right all right, how’s everyone doing on what was a fine day. My name is Michael Mackey and I’m here today to be an advocate for the incarcerated mentally ill. Question, by a show of hands, how many of you in the audience right now, have been incarcerated for over five years? (Interesting). The ones that have been locked up for that long are the ones most affected by this problem and we should be able to fix this problem. See there’s around 200,00 incarcerated men and women dealing with
Continue ReadingWhat Went Down
by Sir Royal LeBlanc, Kern Valley State Prison in Coalinga, CA I wake up in cold sweats, and I’m breathing heavyI’m seeing double but I’m trying to get my eyes steadyAnother dream that continues to haunt my soulTrue life events that I’ve never toldNeeding to just let it all outSo this is how this situation came aboutThe homie and I were sitting in my carWe got out to go into the storeBut we see our rivals coming from afarWe turn to run in the other directionBut it was too late they was already flexingI made it back to the car
Continue ReadingEarly Trauma
by Jesse Ayers, San Quentin State Prison, CA I think one of the most devastating issues I have never really addressed was being locked in a dryer at a laundry mat when I was three years old. Being locked in a dryer at age three started out funny. My sisters (age 5 and 9 at the time) were laughing, as it all seemed like a game. The laundry mat was empty, besides our mother, my two sisters, and myself. Washing machines made up the center rows and the dryers lined up against the walls with elevated entry level windows, easy
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Volume 26.45/46
Please contact Lisa Lavaysse if you would like to purchase the full PDF or a printed copy of this issue.
Continue ReadingEd Note 26.45/46
Greetings friends! Welcome to double issue 26.45/46! We know you will LOVE the writings featured in this latest issue, but before you check out the whole magazine, allow us to share the other night. Thanks to the support and sponsorship of the California Endowment, our 25th Anniversary online event “Why I Write”. The night was amazing, with heartfelt stories, poems and testimonies from former Beat writers followed by questions from the audience. We could not ask for a better writer and friend to break down the other night’s festivities than OT, who will share his take on this past Sundays
Continue ReadingImprovement
by Mia, Santa Cruz To improve my future, I’m going to stop repeating the same cycle that I have been in since I was thirteen. I’m tired of coming in the hall. I’m tired of court dates and most of all, I’m tired of POs and judges telling me what I can and can’t do. I want to live my own life without restrictions. I want to be free from all the drama that goes on around me. I want to be my own person. I want to move and put these last couple of years in the past. I
Continue ReadingTrouble
by Teebenjii, Alameda Looking in your eyes I see troubleI can tell that you been thuggishI don’t wanna talkCan you just leave me aloneYou hurt me deep when I was down to my lowestI needed you and you didn’t give a shhh ‘bout meGrowin’ all this pain I been shownAin’t never stop, just keep on flowin’.
Continue ReadingAppreciate Life Before It’s Gone
by Camila, Sonoma “Your entire life can change in an instant. So instead of passively taking what you have for granted, be grateful for it and do whatever good you can with it.” – Anonymous I took a lot of things for granted when I was younger, like my family. I never really cared about no one but myself. I was always by my myself, until one day I got locked up when I was thirteen and went away for three years. In those years, being locked up, I realized who was really there for me. My mom and my
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