by DJ, Sacramento
The last time I cried was two nights ago. I cried because I think of my loved ones a lot and my dad a lot. It would be if my dad was still here, I wonder where I would be. It makes me think would things be different. Would I have had to learn lessons by going through it to see how the outcome is?
Would I still feel alone even though I have a lot of people in my corner? People that’s here for me. I also cry because I feel I failed as a son and as a big brother. And when you feel you failed, it doesn’t feel good. It’s a bad feeling. My little brothers ask me all the time when am I coming home, and when will they see me again.
I cry because it would hurt to see my little brother go through the same stuff, even though I can’t let that happen. Crying sometimes helps me because I sometimes get things off my chest when I cry and talk about the things that make me cry. Or cry and talk to God. I have my own ways of counseling myself.
The worst day I cried was when I lost my dad. I felt that nothing else in the world mattered except my pain, and how I felt about what I was going through. I cried every day for almost a month straight.
That was the last person I thought I would lose. I cry maybe about three times a month. One of the cons for me about crying is sometimes I wake up the next day in a bad mood, ready to start tripping on somebody for something little.
But other than that, I’m there for the people around me when they cry, because that’s what they would do for me. Like my mom. I’m there for her when she cries. Sometimes I cry out of anger if you make me mad enough. If I’m crying out of anger, then you know I’m very frustrated.