by Harry C.Goodall Jr., San Quentin State Prison, CA
There are times that our fear can be just as a big a barrier as a brick wall. This real life issue presents itself when it comes for us recovering from trauma. When I think of all the things that would make me grown I was lost. When I was younger, parts of me that thought if I could hold my liquor, I could be grown. There was even a part of me that thought if only I had money I would have power and respect. That money could buy any and everything I needed in life. Sadly, none of this was true.
The struggle that followed to find what I lost is what I’ll talk about. Is there such a thing as childhood innocence? Part of me felt like the drama that went on around me was a normal part of life. It happened every day and in so many homes it had to be normal. Many things occurred as I aged, that I never told anyone about. These things were little small cuts that alone meant nothing, yet combined was life changing.
See I’ll never be a hero. I’ll never die running into a burning building trying to save others. But where my braveness comes in is I
know that each time I speak of the unspeakable things that happened to me I heal. Each time I share on of those small cuts by writing them on paper, the shame of the event no longer owns me. To me it’s more healing and valuable ridding my shame than me giving my life for yours.
I know it isn’t easy nor will it ever be. Learn to talk about what you are going through in life. I promise you that you are not alone in what you’re going through.
No, I don’t recommend you do so with just anyone. But search out someone you can trust and rid yourself of your shame. It will allow you to pick up the pieces that seem shattered in your life. I tell you this from personal experience. Don’t wait until your in prison with a life sentence to do so. Or don’t wait until you hit rock bottom to do so either. I did so and I missed so much of my family life and memories as a result.
Some of my people God already has called home, so I can never build those memories. If you ever listen to one thing in life from a stranger who never knew what being brave was about or what having heart really meant, listen to the truth.
I just shared with you. It really can change your life before you end your life.