by Terkesha Lane, Federal Detention Center in Miami, Florida
This is not a letter due to my current circumstances of being in prison. I have always felt this way about my children. Year after year, the older they became, I fell more in love with them. Their personalities, different but interesting moods, little quirks, the craziness (which I’m sure came from me) just the small things most people would not notice, like how they change when they are sleepy, different study habits, the educational subjects each of them liked or disliked, even how they arranged their clothing closet.
Yes, I saw it all. Absorbed it, enjoyed every minute of it. So please believe me when I say this is not an act of guilt because of what we have endured due to my errors of judgment that have landed me in a federal facility.
We have never hid how we felt about each other. The four of us have always communicated, talked about everything and said “I love You” 100 times a day, if we felt the need. We would text all day, no conference room or classroom could stand in our way. My motto for them as a simple mother was to always tell me, say it all, no matter how it sounds. I would always tell them to come to me and do not hold it in. Certain thoughts, as we all know will suffocate you.
That advice has pulled us through the past and current hardships, allowing them to be honest about how they feel with me being here, because of my choices and their anger. I encourage them to say these words on the phone or through email. They don’t deserve to suffer for my failures. I am writing your organization because I want people to know how much I love my babies. I can’t let go of the feeling that they should be recognized by someone other than me for standing by me and up for me and for loving me unconditionally.
There is so much still not listed. I can only imagine how many submissions your organization receives and not all of them can be read to receive a reply. If you are reading mine please allow me to at least pass on my words. If what I need is not something your company can provide, if I do nothing else, I would at least like to get my love letter out to the public or on social media in honor of my children.
As you can imagine I have no social media access in prison or anyone outside of my children to help with this request. My family consists of my children and myself. I truly look forward to hearing from you. Be safe, God Bless.