by BrokenHeartedYouth, Santa Clara
I had a co-visit with my mom the other day and we had a powerful conversation. It wasn’t your typical conversation that you’d have with your mother. Forgive me, but it’s still hard to talk about. I told her how tired I was, and she asked me, “Why mijo, did you sleep late?” It took me a while to answer her question. How can I tell the woman that brought me into this world and gave me love and life that I no longer wanted it?
I told her how I was feeling, and she broke down. Hot tears welled up in my eyes, but my pride didn’t let them fall. I wanted nothing more in the world than to be held by my loving mother, but due to the virus this couldn’t be done. I tried to push her away because I thought that by doing so, I had hurt her less, but my mom wouldn’t let that happen. She was telling me that she would pray for me and that I shouldn’t let this time do me.
The demons in my head were laughing at her, knowing they’re consuming me. She was blaming herself for working all the time and not being home with us, but I reassured her that that wasn’t what sent me down this lonely road. I was telling her that no matter how long they give me that I probably won’t come back.
I asked her to forgive me, and I thanked her for loving me and supporting me through my lifestyle that brings me here. We were given the five-minute warning and just stared at each other for the time remaining. Let our love flare through our eyes.