by Richie F. Angulo, Avenal State Prison in Avenal, CA
When you were growing up, who was our worst enemy? Was it the neighborhood kid or the school yard bully? As I reflect on my life, I remember very well that I was always hiding from my worst enemy. It didn’t matter if I was in school, playing baseball on the field, or at the store with my parents, my worst enemy had a way of keeping me on my toes. I was afraid, always on the move. I needed to be one step ahead of him.
So you’re probably wondering, “Geez Richie, who did you upset? You surely must have disrespected or messed with some local gang member.”
Honestly for me, it was worse than that. Had it been a problem or a misunderstanding with a gang member, that would have motivated me to make things right. I would have preferred this issue over dealing with MY worst enemy.
In 2010, I was sentenced to life in prison. Of all places, you are not going to believe who I ran into. There he was, dressed in state blues, on the same yard and same building as me at High Desert State Prison. I couldn’t believe it. This was the last place I ever expected to see him. Doing time on a level 4 prison yard is hard in itself, now I had to deal with this monster.
It wasn’t long before I realized that I couldn’t hide anymore. Prison was no joke! I had to sink or swim. Being on survival mode took a toll on me. I was tired. I exhausted every strategy and ounce of energy to avoid my worst enemy. I realized there was no escaping him, so I decided it was time to confront him.
Today, I’m writing these words in 2021 at Avenal State Prison. I have great news. I’m still alive! Confronting my worst enemy was the best thing I ever did for my life. Yeah, he kicked my butt over and over again, but I needed it. I was tired of hiding.
I even went as far as wearing a mask to protect myself from him. You see, all I ever wanted was to be accepted, accepted by my family, my brothers, my friends and even by my enemies.
What I learned through my self-help is that the acceptance I was chasing all my life couldn’t happen until I accepted myself. The day I accepted myself was the day I defeated my worst enemy.