Greetings friends! Welcome back to another amazing edition of The Beat Within! Each issue we put out continues to amaze us with so many great pieces of writing and art that you all share. As the world begins to slowly open up, we are thrilled to return back in person to many of our partnered sites. It is really great to see you writers and staff in person. we know the feeling is mutual. The other night we returned for the first time to San Mateo County Youth Services Center, and wow, did we have fantastic sessions. Plenty of solid conversation and writings. Plus, to reconnect with the wonderful staff made for a successful night. Yet, one of the silver linings of doing a virtual group has been the opportunity to have OT join us for groups from Nicaragua. What a gift it is to have this talented and thoughtful teacher join in the conversation with the young men in Santa Clara County. We hope we can figure out a way to keep him involved in the workshops. We shall see… one day at a time. With that said, we bring you the faithful and hardworking OT to this week’s editorial note. OT!!!
We would like welcome you readers back to another double dose edition of the one and only The Beat Within! This is only magazine that keeps it real 100 percent all the way, and that’s all thanks to all you writers (young and old) that participate and give us your honest words, your thoughts, emotions and stories, because without you this ‘zine isn’t possible. Allow me to extend a warm embrace to all of you readers. This is OT once again reporting live from the land of the Grand Lakes and the earth that shakes, (there have been a couple of earthquakes the last week and half and I didn’t feel none of them), yes folks Managua, Nicaragua.
I’m privileged with writing the ed’s note this week and I wanted to do a little reflecting. First and foremost, happy birthday to me! Happy Birthday dear, Omar, Happy Birthday to me! Yep, you guessed it. It’s my birthday. My birthday is right before 2Pac’s birthday. I normally don’t like celebrating my birthday, and I normally do celebrate 2Pac’s birthday because that’s my favorite all time Rapper.
Anyways, I just turned 36 years old, that’s eleven more years than 2pac got to live. I have to say, it has been an amazing journey so far. I feel blessed. My situation is not perfect, obviously I would’ve loved for all my family to be here celebrating with me, but they all called me several times throughout the day to check on me, send me wishes and even send me my present! I even had quite a few homeboys text me, call me, and shoot me a present too, my daughters sent me my birthday wishes also, which was the cherry on top of the cake!
Hands down, this has to be my best birthday so far, while being in Nicaragua. See, for many reasons, one has to always count their blessings. To me, I consider myself still going through the struggle, struggling in many ways to stay positive, and figure out how I’m going to get back to California legally.
I don’t want to stay here guys. I think about that almost every day and at times it gives me anxiety the thought of staying stuck in this country. I want to get back to my family, and I eventually would love to go back and do the workshops and work in person.
There are many things I wish to do, but still ain’t accomplished also. I want to go back to college and study many things like music production, Latino Heritage, web design and even medicine. Those are all wild dreams but doable if I apply myself.
At age 36, you would think that one would slow down and not be as ambitious as when one is 16, 17 or 18. I remember during the workshops last week, we were asking one of our young participants one word that describes you then and now, and he said, “ambitious.” He then asked me and I said, “motivated.” Another young go-getter said “Determined.” Just hearing you guys speak with that kind of fire, kind of lit this fire inside of me too. Now, that I think about it, I couldn’t even define myself with one word. So I’m going to use these three – motivated, ambitious (in a positive way) and determined.
Those are the three words that can define me back then and now. Back then I was ambitious and determined, devoted, and dedicated to living the type of life that had everything to do with the streets, but not in a positive way. I was living a double life by still being involved in “the lifestyle” and at the same time trying to tell other youngsters to not do the same.
I’m not going to hate on anyone for doing what they have to do, but don’t hate on me when I tell you all the following, but before I do, I will have to tell you that I’m not a drop-out, I’m not a snitch, I’m not a sellout. Being a sell-out means selling out “to one’s own personal benefit.”
I’m not here preaching for my benefit. I’m here talking to all the young G’s out there, to all you young ambitious hustlers, and determined go-getters. I would be a sell-out if I told you all that I want you to keep doing what you were doing while you were in them streets so you can keep going to jail, juvie, or end up in prison. I’d be going against my morals and principles for sure.
I did my time in prison and left prison in good standings. I earned my right to pursue my goals. So, one of my many goals, is to make sure I give you all the truth, and speak from my heart, with your best interests in my mind with these words.
I want you all to get out, and not lose that fire! I want you all to stay determined, focused, motivated and aim for the stars. You guys are the future. I’m really proud of many of you all that have taken this time to reflect on your past and decide and see that you deserve better in life. But to better your life, you need to have that fire and be relentless in your pursuit. You need to be motivated. You need to be determined and ambitious.
If you want to rap, then rap. If you want to open up your own business, do it. If you want to study and go to school, by all means, do! If you need to find a job, do it my young ladies and gentlemen. Many of you want to help your mothers, your fathers, your grandmas, your little sisters and brothers, but none of you will be able to help your loved ones if you keep coming back to jail.
After going through everything y’all been through, you guys will be the perfect leaders and role models in our communities. You guys will be able to help others that have been in similar situations as you, and make sure you light that fire in them to strive for success.
Success, what does that mean? I guess it has a different meaning for all of us when we all have different goals right? For some success is reaching the pinnacle of making money. We can’t do anything without money in life, that’s a given. But don’t put yourself in a position where you have to sell your soul for money. Don’t poison your community for money, not just with drugs but don’t poison it with bad leadership. Lead by example. Preach what you will teach to the younger generation that’s coming after you.
Stay hungry, stay motivated, stay ambitious and stay determined. Reach for the stars and strive for success, while inspiring others to do the same. We are all in this together. Everybody plays a role, and some roles are bigger than others, and some are small. Find something your good at and run with it. The struggle doesn’t stop, so we just have to keep getting better and stronger. Don’t just workout your arms, chest and abs, but remember to work out your most important muscle, (The Brain) as well.
It’s the sharpest tool you have, besides all the heart and determination inside of you. I’m proud of you all. Happy Father’s Day to all the father figures out there. I want you all to be able to get out and stay free while you celebrate your future birthdays. Some of you will be doing a little bit of time, and may miss a few birthdays, but it’s not the end. It’s the beginning of your journey in life to mature and better yourself. Make sure you come home in a positive mind-state, and never miss another holiday, birthday or moment with your family again. Time to eat!
I’m out of here brothers and sisters! One love to all you ladies and gentlemen going through the struggle. Stay motivated! OT signing out with all the love.
Thank you, OT, for your words of wisdom! Happy Birthday dear friend! All right friends of The Beat Within, please stay in touch, we want to hear from you when you leave your respected site. There is always a place for you to tell your story. Your story matters. You inspire us with your truths when you share your journey. We are listening. Peace to all.