Greetings! It is always an honor to have OT start things off, when it comes to this one-of-a-kind publication, The Beat Within. Our latest issue is packed with thoughtful writings from our amazing young people, who step up in our workshops each week, to our elders, whose desire it is to teach and raise awareness in support of all readers, especially the young people of The Beat Within. This double issue, 26.19/20, is no different, but we do know one thing, it is a one-of-a-kind issue that is making a difference for all who pick up this seventy-two pager to read and it is our honor that you are a part of this amazing and most important ride! Hard to believe we are approaching 25 years!!! There is plenty to discuss when it comes to 25 years of service, and we’ll get to that in another issue, but for now, allow us to embrace the words of OT!
I would like to welcome you readers to another double dose edition of the one and only The Beat Within. It’s OT reporting live to you from the Managua, Nicaragua, from the land of the grand lakes and active volcanoes. First off, let me extend a warm embrace to all you ladies and gentlemen out there. I want to show some love to everyone in our community tuning in and I hope you pass that same love and respect to your neighbor, to your peers, to your teachers, your mentors, to your friends and family.
This life is too short to fill it up it with negativity, so despite all the challenges and adversity, we must keep pushing forward in life with a positive attitude. Well, I’m back right under my lemon tree folks. Today, I received some bad news that my girlfriend’s grandmother passed away after battling COVID-19. She was on the respirator for almost two weeks. Dealing with death is a tough task. The hard part to accept is that we’re all headed there at one point or another.
You’re born, you grow, you live, and you hope to get old. It’s a blessing to reach triple OG status. I hope we all get old and get to see your grandkids and great grandkids running around the house. I hope we all get to the point where we appreciate every single breath, every single meal and every single moment we get to spend with your loved ones.
But let’s retract for a moment. Many of you that will read this are young, even the older readers that are reading these words consider yourself blessed, not because I’m talking, but because you’re alive! So I sit here and I contemplate on the message I’m about bring to the table, I’m going to go ahead and piggy back off a recent Beat topic of “My biggest mistake.”
Now that I’ve spent almost a decade in Nicaragua, far away from my loved ones, my friends, my family and my kids, there are certain things that come to mind that I wish I could take back, well not necessarily take back, but do all over again.
I read many times, and many of you young readers say that, even though you regret your mistakes, you don’t regret that fact that your mistakes made you the great person that you are today. I hold that same statement close to my heart. If I hadn’t been deported to my country, who knows where I would be. I may have still been running the streets of San Francisco, CA. I’ve already been shot and stabbed, done time in juvie, county, and prison and I’m still here to talk about it. But who knows, if I were still in the Bay Area, I may not be alive today, writing this to you folks.
I always think about that. If I would have paroled to the streets of San Francisco, CA, the temptations and the possibility of getting sucked right back into the streets like a “Blackhole” in the milky way, was always a possibility. Because even though we try to walk a straight line, trouble tends to find us. Am I right? How many of you have tried to do good, and did good for a month or so, went to school, went to work, followed the rules, only to slip up and go back into the system, one more time, time and time again?
So me, I was blessed with the opportunity to really start fresh, and in a brand new country, far away from my loved ones, far away from everything I ever knew, and I had to concentrate really hard to get my shhh together. I was in a brand-new planet people. I had never been to this country. I couldn’t afford to make the same mistakes I made back in California. I had to learn a new system of life. The last time I stepped foot here, in Nicaragua, I was three years old.
Imagine that I didn’t even know, what bus to take to work. I would wait for hours at the bus stop waiting for a bus that never showed up, and eventually I had to get in a taxicab. And since I didn’t know the price of the cab, often times they would charge me double, because they heard my Spanish accent and it sounded “gringo” so they would rip me off.
I would go to the market to buy vegetables, and they would charge me extra. I would get my haircut and they would charge me extra. Because I wore Jordan’s or Air Max shoes people would automatically treat me different. I had my learning curve here in Nicaragua. I continued to make mistakes in Nicaragua, but one thing I didn’t do was make the same mistakes I made while I was in California.
See, life is all about perspective and lessons learned. When things happen, and mistakes are made, our focus, my focus, your focus, should be on not making it again. You learn the hard way for a reason. Right now, you’re going through some things. You’re missing your freedom. You’re missing your family, your kids, your mom, your dad, your grandparents, everything you love. So if you miss all of those things, if you miss making money, if you miss wearing your own clothes, if you miss eating the food you like, why in the world, would you get out and jeopardize your freedom again? Why? Ask yourself, if it’s really worth it?
So back to my million-dollar question, what’s my biggest mistake? My mistake that I regret, is the many times I never told my family how much I love them. All the times I left my house to the streets fighting with my grandma, telling me not to go out, my tia, or my mom, all the times I didn’t listen. I may not have been here in Nicaragua, today.
But guess what ladies and gentlemen, that’s a mistake I’m never making again. I now, and always, tell my family how much I love them. Every time I FaceTime them, every time we talk on the phone, I tell them how much I love them every chance I get!
I’m not taking it for granted anymore. That big mistake I made, no, I’m not making it again! I’m going to take advantage of every opportunity I get! I may be in Nicaragua, but that’s not going to stop me from calling my tia, calling my grandma, calling my nieces and nephews, and telling them how much I love them. I sometimes have to call my nieces and nephews when they are misbehaving and tell them to act right. I sometimes call my aunt, and she spends forty minutes venting to me about everything that she’s going through. I sometimes talk to my uncle, and we just talk about sports.
I’m still present. I’m still here for my family, far away, but still there, still here. Countries, mountains, lakes and rivers can separate me from my family, but that’s not going to stop me from fulfilling my duties and responsibilities of being there for them.
After, the big mistake I made, I didn’t get that opportunity to get back to them. I was cast off far away, but even with opportunity of being so far away, I’m not gonna waste it.
So don’t let your biggest mistake be messing up your second chance. You will get out. You will accomplish your goals. You will get back to your family. You will get your second chance at freedom and go home to your loved ones. Don’t just tell them how much you love them. Show it with your actions! Be that person that you say you are. Remember these words, that you wrote for The Beat Within, about how much you miss your family, and your freedom. Don’t get out and make that same mistake.
Be you, do you, and love your people around you. That’s who you are, someone special, to yourself, your community, your family and loved ones, to us at The Beat!
One love, ladies and gentlemen. OT is signing out with the utmost love and respect!
Thank you, friends there is not much more to say, lets allow you writers to take it from here. Thank you for your trust in The Beat Within. Thank you for your courage to write and share a part of you. We are listening. We are grateful. Remember, if you move on from where you are currently at, stay in touch. Reach out to us. There is always a place for you in the pages of The Beat Within. Peace and respect, always.