by Bradley, Sonoma
I was sentenced to placement, but though if I just did my absolute best through the program and not allow my anger to come out, I could just be the same person when I got out.
I would describe that mindset that I was in as the “fake it ‘till you make it” attitude. I didn’t truly want change for myself, but after a few months of doing good, and “faking it,” without working on myself, I snapped.
I was just putting the anger, the regret, and the sadness that I was building up further and further down, until one day my anger came up out of nowhere and I realized that I couldn’t just keep faking it.
I started talking about the things I was sad and angry about, and even though I didn’t change completely, and I was still angry sometimes, I learned to control the way I reacted better.
I got out of placement after a year and did seven months of probation/aftercare before getting off. I got off but missed out on so much that I thought I had to make up for it. I ended up partying, fighting, and playing with guns.
But I feel that I got caught up at the right time, before I made any decisions that would take my entire life away. I’ve been in and out of this same juvenile facility since I was twelve years old, and I’m now seventeen.
If I don’t change within the next year, I could very well be writing to you guys from county jail, or even prison. I’m going to another placement as my last chance, and hopefully I take/use it to the best of my ability.