by Osbun Walton
I share a very small space, with another adult person. The bunk bed, toilet, sink and two large selves within this small space, makes this cell that much more smaller. The Coronavirus pandemic has made this small space even less smaller in a bitter fearsome and a well sweet situation in this deadly and quite helpless darkness. What choice do I have looking ahead, praying that my prayers will be answered.
In my position of my incarceration, a convict by my own negative convictions, has no degree of real safety nor protection if that deadly virus introduces its horrific destruction behind and within these prison walls. There is no amount of soap, disinfectants, bleach, medical alcohol solution nor these worthless material mask, that can protect any prisoner, guard and staff constantly in and out of here. It can especially affect the many prisoners with chronic medical conditions already affecting their normal daily lives. But they too are looking ahead in hope of survival.
The bitter and the fearsome storms of doom have created another sense of hopelessness, where even the prisoners are warning other prisoners about them wearing their masks, distancing themselves and they panic if someone coughs or sneezes. Just about everyone is on high alert, which is a positive sense of looking ahead. Yet, the fear is constant because it has become the main topic of just about every prisoner conversation and especially the television news about the destruction of the Coronavirus pandemic here in the United States and the other nations in our world makes it no better.
For example, if an inmate becomes ill for any reason and is taken away, they will also lock his cellie up for fourteen days on quarantine usually in a place like “The Hole.” That’s even more depressing and on a regular temperature check-up and the verbal questioning you can see the fear in the nurses’s eyes and their body language.
“I don’t want to die.”
“Don’t touch me.”
“Put your mask on!”
A person sneezed and another person near him panicked, telling people to get out of his way as he trotted away from the sneeze, because the television news stated, that a person’s sneeze can travel twenty-seven feet in the air, and will spread like a shot gun being fired, and will harm many in its path. Two people in a very small space, do not clean in the same way, and in that instant, looking ahead forces the other to do more.
Now, can you really fight the Coronavirus from arriving, when your prison block is so unclear of dust and mold to begin with? There are so many variables involved and these conditions here remain inhumane. Ventilation in North Block is non-existent except when they open the doors for whatever amount of time. Yes, we prisoners are confronted with various options of being infected just because of our over-crowded place of confinement.
Here, at San Quentin State Prison, is a death sentence in the makings. Look at the death toll in the Old Folk’s homes in society. It would be even worse here of the many already affected with ill-health of various complications, within their own darkness. The Coronavirus is shattering all hope with its darkness, to never again restore us that light, that beam of hope of survival, to be free, and looking ahead.
The six feet distance, that is supposedly be set in place in society is surely a joke here at San Quentin. So why should I worry over something of an important matter? I don’t have the power to change anything of safety for the prisoners, guards and staff that work here. Some guard as well as other staff doesn’t wear a mask and any other protection among us. Stressed is a blockage from looking ahead so I do my best to disregard my well of insecurities. I’m forced to endure so I take this time to write creatively.
It’s a sweet time that I desire to focus more on my writing abilities in which I am still a beginner, I feel. I seem to constantly push myself to write and re-write, loving the challenge. I have more time to lose myself in writing, even though I’m back at work, fortunately. Still in these times of looking ahead, don’t feel nor look so grim, but a light in the tunnel, a focus point, I shall walk toward.
Plus, in this time fear has opened my emotional behalf to acknowledge my blessings of my loved ones and family, more within my heart, mind and soul. Communication is a very precious key that we often neglect, profiling for working too hard we forget to love and enjoy our blessing in family commitments. Let us, together, take this awful time and treat it as a wake up looking forward, as people of all cultures and nations bonding together.
Let’s continue that bonding looking ahead. We do need each other seriously and we never really know when and where a tragic incident will occur, like this unexpected and invisible murderer (aka COVID) will strike, not concerned with whom it’s victimizing. It is not prejudice to a certain culture. Whether you are young, middle aged, old, rich or poor, it does not have a heart to care. Looking ahead positively is your reality that will fuel humanity wanting that selfless reality. We all must do everything in our power and knowledge to shelter in place and keep our goals alive as well as keeping our loved ones and family safe by all means necessary.
Believe me, I do understand, that you may come to hate the feeling of being a prisoner in your home and if that does cross your mind, think of me without a choice and helpless in a cage. But I am looking ahead for the end of this nightmare so deadly as it has stood all over the world. A minus to humanity. In hope and pray, I stand with you all in our time of bonding. We are more together than apart, so stay strong and looking ahead!