by Michael Mackey
The person who deserves a chance from me is my daughter, Adriana. I guess you can say I want a second chance, and please let me break it all down. I raised her. I was there for her growing up, as a baby, changing her diapers, making meals, and bottles. I learned how to do her hair all because of her. I couldn’t stand it when someone was doing her hair, tightly, or hurting her, that drove me crazy.
See my daughter is light skin, a red bone some would say, so she turns all shades of red in the face. Seeing her in pain or crying is my kryptonite, my weakness. I almost beat up a few older women behind that. So I learned I was a single father because her mother was doing her own thing (long story) but her side of the family helped out a lot, and I do mean A LOT.
Raising her was the best thing that ever could have happened to me. It changed me in ways I didn’t expect, but now let me fast forward time, when I committed my crime. She didn’t know nothing of it. She thought I just left her, and her family didn’t know what happened to me either. But I was gone.
Many-many years passed by and I haven’t heard nothing from her. I’m talking YEARS went by and that was killing me inside. I’ve told lots of stories of my little girl to friends, other people, even in my music I make. I have a few songs dedicated to her.
Then one day out of nowhere I ran into this oversized youngster from Richmond named Bam who grew up with my daughter and they are still best friends. How all this came about was I was letting him look through my photo album and I had a few pictures of my daughter. He said he knew her.
At first, I was upset. I thought he was lying, but he said some things that proved me wrong and had her number to call her. The next day when I called her, she was surprised. I told her what had happened to me and where I was and she sent me pictures, cards, etc. Then one day she was doing something I didn’t agree with and spoke my mind, I got angry at her and said something I shouldn’t have said. She did as well. Again, that was the last time I spoke to her and it’s been three years now.
I don’t know where she’s at now, but she knows where I’m at and doesn’t reach out to me at all. I don’t know how to find her anymore, and I’ve given up again. I figure if you really love your parents you will never leave them hanging. I raised this little girl and now she acts like I’ve done nothing for her. I don’t know how to accept that, but I’ve changed, because before I would have done anything to speak to my little girl. Now I don’t care too much.
Now, I know she’s grown and doesn’t want me in her life anymore so I stopped trying to be. I’ve given up. A lot of parents wouldn’t understand my way of thinking or my actions, think I should try to reach out no matter what. But after years of trying, I’m good because I would go insane if I kept that up and I would’ve hurt a lot of people in the process out of rage, anger, sadness, pride, and a few others as well.
So I am in need of a second chance, but it might not happen, even upon release. I am going to do me and let her do her, but if it was destiny for us to meet up again then it should be. I’m a let it happen in its own way and time. I am not goin’ to try to find her and that’s killing me and my soul so deeply to where no one understands what I’m feeling or understands my reasons at all.
So I would never let anyone know I have a daughter and that way, they will never ask about why I’m not trying to reach out to her. They won’t bring up what they don’t know about. Yes, I dropped the ball, and I would like to have a conversation with her again. Not over the phone but in person, face-to-face, and lay everything out on the table.