by CD, Sacramento
Now, music is a second language to me. It brings my other half. One half loves to sing the songs and write them but the other, loves any song she can dance to. She escapes from reality with music.
Let me introduce you to my first half. She’s a very intelligent and unique girl who loves making music, mostly raps, but she also loves singing. The music she makes allows her to be free. It allows her to express herself and get things off her mind.
She puts words on papers or the notes in her phone that either no one understands about her or what he feels would make money just by her lyrics. Her lyrics, as she describes them, are, as unique as her soul, mind and spirit.
Why she chose music and songwriting as her outlet to freedom? She couldn’t even tell you because she would end up saying something that sounds crazy to another ear, but makes sense to her.
She feels as though songwriting, rapping and singing takes her to her happy place. She feels free and as though her words can get her somewhere, at the same time tell her story and express her multiple personalities and what they make her do. She started using music to escape at a very young age.
As far back as I can remember I would sing with any song that gave me the feeling of happiness with a good rhythm and some good lyrics. I was in elementary and would have a thing for spiritual, old school, hip-hop or even rock.
I really loved old school music when I was younger. I guess it was because my grandmother practically raised me, and she would always have her old school jams slappin’ through the house.
The fact that it was her playing it because I love my grandma with a passion, my Nana, touched my soul even more. I was shy when I was younger, I kept to myself, I still am shy when it comes to singing out loud, so even today, you could only catch me singing when I’m alone or very happy.
Being confined to this cell gives me all the comfort to sing as loud as I want. Singing reminds me of when I lived with my Nana, it helps cheer me up and calms me down. Honestly, I love to hear my first half’s voice. We aren’t the best singer in the world, but when I do I am happy.
It reminds me of when I was doing good, being a good kid, with good grades, who went to church choir and sang as the lead. I sang in choir with my afterschool and summer program for Ms. Kitty with all my friends, we would go everywhere and sing at the Community Center, sponsored by Magic Johnson (who has AIDS).
I also sang to myself when I felt alone, or to my baby sister. It worked too, she loved my voice. Singing is a ritual to me, like I’m summoning my ancestors or casting spells, verbal spells, that I put into the world, forming my future and the current Universe around me. I can say one thing, my multiple personalities are all very spiritual. That connection keeps me sane, the music keeps me sane.
My second half loves to dance almost for the exact same reasons my first half likes to sing. My second half is mature, popular, daring and infatuating. When my second half dances, she has more than one type of dance. She likes to dance alone and for a crowd.
She knows her body is gold and the way she moves it is priceless. The dance she does when she’s alone is the dance she does when she wants to clear her mind, speak to her soul and connect with her ancestors and Gods.
My second half prefers to dance because of the feeling it gives her. She loves the rush and the movement throughout her body, the way she moves and when her mind becomes one with the spiritual universe, while her body stays with the Earth and the rhythm, she knows and feels the spells she cast.
The whole dance isn’t routine, it isn’t practiced and it most definitely isn’t taught. Once the dance is over, it’s forgotten, but that’s because it isn’t meant to be remembered. And that’s because when she’s dancing, she’s not dancing alone. She’s being taken over by a higher power, stronger than my alter-ego.
My second half doesn’t give everyone the opportunity to witness the dance, even the people closest to her. It’s for her, me, and the Gods. The other dance my second half does, I’m not a part of.
This dance is hypnotizing, it makes people follow, obey, and give her what she wants, which is power, strength and confidence. My second half doesn’t do this dance alone. She is always accompanied by a vibrant, interesting, to die for woman. This personality is my third.
My third personality drops jaws and leaves anyone coming in contact with her, wanting more. When those two dance as one, the dance they do is for everyone and anyone who can handle it. That dance is the cobra, but instead of the cobra being summoned by the man, the man is summoned by the cobra.
The way they dance together, I can tell it’s mostly my third personality in control. She can make her watchers and spectators forget what’s around them and where they are, they act as if nothing else matters but my third personality.
And that’s when the cobra strikes. Every move, every step, sway, turn and glance she gives her crowd and keeps them under her control and she knows that. She stays humble, wise and kind which allows her to obtain such power.
This makes her an idol and role model which she loves because she likes to think of herself as a leader. My third personality is rarely seen, her favorite times to come out are at night, when sensual songs are on, when there’s a crowd, and when that special someone is with her one on one. She’s not shy, she’s confident and the music loves her just as much as she loves and appreciates the art of song music and dance.
All my personalities believe that everything has a rhythm; they believe that their blood flow is an internal rhythm. As long as they are alive there is music and dance in everything around them. With that being said, they will always have their spiritual freedom and control.