by Josue
I like to think that the reason I am in nursing school is so that I will be able to change individuals lives on a daily basis. I was not always in this position that I am in now, a grade A nursing student from San Francisco. I was the product of the old colorful Mission District. The loud kickbacks, drinking, and trouble finding streets. I think about this fact as I prepare for my Fundamentals in Nursing class.
This is the semester where I find myself getting prepared for my clinical rotations. No one knows my past, this is a good thing I think. I catch myself thinking, how has my experience prepared me for what this semester will bring. I will be in the presence of doctors, nurses, patients, and their family members. I will be in the midst of this deadly pandemic fighting side by side with some of the city’s most prominent health care professionals.
My professor reveals our clinical site. Laguna Honda… How funny. Who would have thought that the hospital I will spend the next five months in is on the same street that I spent months incarcerated in as a juvenile. Is this city trying to pull me back, or simply just a reminder of who I was and where I came from? I like to imagine the latter.
I am in a different place now, a different position. Our scrubs are all white. Clean, crisp, and spotless. They say it is to signify the rites of passage of medical students entering into the profession. It signifies Faith, Confidence, and Compassion. This makes me think… If they knew my past, would they have so much faith in me? Would patients be confident in my abilities to provide adequate care? Throughout all my experiences as a youth, do I even know how to be compassionate?
I meet my clinical instructor for the semester. She’s a sweet older lady who has been a nurse for over 40 years in the ICU. I say good morning. She says good morning back with a huge smile. She stops, then says, “ I want you to say good morning again, but this time with a big smile on your face, because today is a good morning.” I chuckle, smile, say good morning, and she moves on to the next student. I begin to think and analyze what just occurred. I was saying good morning without really consciously thinking about how good of a morning it really was. In fact, it was a great morning. Simultaneously I began to think about those clean white scrubs and what they mean. If I have faith in myself, it could only amplify onto others. If I am confident in myself, then who would think otherwise? If I aim to be compassionate, then compassionate I will be.
At that moment, I made a promise to myself. The first patient I meet, I will greet them with a smile. A smile that I couldn’t give as a teen, a smile that would be questioned as a juvenile, a smile that would get you in trouble. Today I can smile because I am different. I am different because I say that I am. I can smile because I took what I experienced as a youth and decided to make a change for the better. These changes take time, they do not occur overnight. It takes effort, it takes commitment. But they do happen. Regardless, there is one thing that we can all do in this moment right now to be different, and to make a difference in our lives and those around us. We can start by smiling.