by AH, Sacramento
When I find someone not being truthful to me, I keep my distance, or I confront them about it. And I don’t trust them anymore, so our relationship would not be the same as before. I remember a time when someone was not honest, and they lost my trust.
It was a few days before I got arrested. I ran away from a very good home because of her, and I put my life in her hands. She told me that she was gonna take care of me and we was gonna be making money together.
I trusted her. And as time went by, she put me through hell, and I didn’t know how to get out of the mess she put me in – or maybe I put myself in? Anyway, I was struggling along with her and I felt used and played and manipulated that I had to find a way out. But I couldn’t.
My life was going down the drain as I kept putting my trust in her. I went by what she said to me and I believed her. Even when I knew it was bullshhhh. I felt like I just lost my life and I don’t know who I am anymore.
I let her control me and I realized I was hurting the people who really cared about me. I had to learn down the road that she was not my real friend and she played me and lied to me this whole time. I felt hurt, used, stupid, and a lot of other things I can’t explain.
I always used to keep how I felt about her to myself, which is why I never got out of the hole I’m in. But I’m paying for what I did to myself, which is trusted her, and I’m paying for what she did to me, which is use me and now I realize that.
So when I get out, my loyalty and my trust for her that I had is gonna be gone, and she’s gonna know that I’m going to put myself first and never let anyone put me in an uncomfortable situation.
Because that’s not where I wanna be for the rest of my life. I wanna be better than I am now. I wanna live a better and happy life, and not depend on nobody for nothing. I wanna feel happy all the time.
When I was with her, I never felt happy. I felt depressed, nervous, hungry, used, and many more. I noticed she was going through things too, and that was always my excuse to stay, ‘cause I thought maybe things would get better for us, like she said.
But it never did. I felt like it was my fault, and she blamed me for everything. I never felt so used in my life. She would make me feel so insecure all the time. I felt so bad about myself. I just wanted to scream sometimes.
Now I know better not to believe everything people tell you. I’ve learned from being around dishonest people, that I don’t wanna be dishonest to others ‘cause I know how it feels, and I don’t want nobody else to go through what I’ve been through.