by Faith, San Mateo
To forgive can be very different to a lot of people. Someone can forgive but still feel angry or bad about the situation, and someone can forgive and let go of the situation.
For different people forgiving can be difficult, and sometimes, they will debate on forgiving, but for other people it seems like it comes naturally, and they don’t mind forgiving. To me forgiving is to kind of stop holding a grudge or to let go in some situations, and in some way.
I don’t forgive people often cause sometimes I be stubborn. There is one person I have forgave though. It was hard to forgive this person and it took years for me to forgive this person because it took me time to understand why the person is this way, and it took me time to go and process it. This person is my biological mom.
There are a lot of reasons I forgive her. I forgive her because I know it’s hard having an addiction, I also forgive her because I am trying to gain a positive relationship with her. There are also a lot of things I forgive her for doing.
I forgive her for not showing up to court so she could’ve had a real relationship with me. I forgive her for not staying around. I forgive her for doing drugs because I know that it’s not her fault.
I forgive her for telling me lies about my dad to make her look like the better person. I forgive her for using me for my money. I forgive her for getting my baby sister taken away from her. Lastly, I forgive her for hurting me and my brother. I’m not tryna make excuses for her but I know all of this is because of her drug addiction.
There is a lot of people that I don’t forgive. I’m gonna let you know ‘bout two of them. The first one is my first love. I will never forgive him cause he disrespected me, my family, my friends, and my home.
He should’ve never put his hands on me, I am not saying if men hit females it’s okay but I would’ve understood if he did it out of self-defense, but he would it if for no reason. I also don’t forgive him because he is the reason why II get scared to love people.
He is the reason why I end up hurting mines because I think of it as “I’m just hurting them before they try to hurt me,” cause I always think everyone has the same intentions he had.
The second one is the man who raped me. I could never forgive this man. I will never be able to forgive him because he is the one person who has brought most of my hurt and pain this year.
I can’t forgive him because he broke me down when I was finally learning how to love myself. I can’t forgive him because he is one of the reasons people think I’m crazy because I yell and cry when people get too close to me.
I also can’t forgive him because he is the reason I can’t sleep at night because of my nightmares. I can’t forgive him because he is the reason I can’t hug my dad, brother, and grandpa because I feel uncomfortable. I can’t forgive him because he brought back most of my anger.
Someone I want to forgive me, is my grandpa. I would like to have his forgiveness before anything happens to him because he is sick with cancer. I don’t want too much, just for him to forgive me for messing up for the past four years. I want him to forgive me for not being around especially now because his cancer came back.
For me it takes a lot for me to forgive. I hold grudges for a long time, no matter if the situation is small. For me to forgive you, you have to show me I can trust you. Trusting takes a lot for me though so you have to prove it to me cause words don’t matter to me. But like I said before forgiving isn’t easy for me, I used to always give people hella chances and forgive them, but not anymore.