by Jesse Ayers, San Quentin State Prison in San Quentin, CA
“You can’t always get what you want. But if yozzzzzzzu try sometimes, you just might find…You get what you need.” (Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones) for me it’s not that poetic.
Kick rocks bro (The lady who rejected me). I know I am cute and funny. Some might say hilarious and handsome. I do my best. But there comes a time when you meet a woman and she laughs at all your jokes, I mean even the corny ones when there are moments where she is patient and curious. If by chance she is Giddy and giggling that is one thing, but on the other hand, when she is quietly waiting for you to ask her a personal question and you disregard her silent invitation. You might be on your way to the land of rejection.
There she is. The woman of your dreams. You waited six months just to talk to her. Every time you and her have crossed paths you have said something nice, funny, and she had passed by gracefully. But now she is all ears, listening intently, leaning in as she laughs out loud.
After a few jokes there is a pause, you tell her how you see her, you appreciate her and as she questions this in her mind and she asks you for clarity. When you say, “It’s a blessing” that you and her have cross paths, she needs to know why and she asks why instead of going all in and saying, “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I am mesmerized by your eyes. I want to marry you one day, “Instead of saying exactly how you feel or even giving her a compliment. All you do is what!!? You let the silence hang in the balance, you look around, deflect the question with an impersonal comment about all the people who caught COVID-19 and then you tell her another joke!
She listens to a few more jokes, but you feel awkward, even while she is laughing and you are delivering punchline after punchline, you feel like she is slipping farther and farther away. Your mind is filled with personal compliments as you stare at her flawless face. Your mind races but you say nothing.
“I love your hair. You look so pretty. You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.” In your mind all the right words come to you, but nothing comes out of your mouth. Then you start rambling about next time you see her you will have some more jokes to tell and now she is fully aware of the compliments she needs to hear.
The personal connection she is longing for, has reason for letting you talk to her. Her desire to be wanted and loved, her unselfish gesture, opening the door to you. All of her feelings turn. Now she is feeling unwanted. If she wanted to hear a comedy routine she would’ve turned on Netflix! You tell her one more joke. Silence, followed by, “Kick rocks bro! You’re talking my face off!”