by B, Sacramento
I know what it feels like to be rejected. I feel like I’m nobody. I’m living and alive, but I feel invisible. And when I feel like that, I think why does everybody do that, I never did nothing to them before.
It’s not that it’s that they don’t like you. And they hate on everything you. I been rejected so many time. I stay to myself. Nobody bothers me. I like being that way so I can figure out all my thoughts when they seem like I’m invisible.
I stay that way because every time you do something, it comes back to you. And do you express yourself to somebody you trust about how you truly feel… then they go tell everybody else.
Then everybody else knows. So truly deep down inside, I can trust nobody. I like being invisible ‘cause nobody can hurt me. Being rejected by a person, by hella people just brings all my hurt and I try to hide, but I can’t.
So that’s why I hop in these streets, because I feel like the streets love me more. But they chew you up, spit you out. Then I seen a lot, lost too many brothers so being rejected really couldn’t hurt me no more.
Because that’s just kid stuff to me. Nowadays, by being in this cage for these last seven months, I’m not the same person I used to be. Friends switch up. But never again because I know everybody’s weakness.
By being rejected, they used to hurt me and I felt like I have nothing. So I wanna hurt them back. All them peeps changed up, made fun of me, rejected me, bullied me.
As I write now, I have flashbacks of what people used to do to me. To this day, I hold a grudge. But sometimes I feel like I can learn from that. I been hurt my whole life.
Been through hella pain. Now, I’m sittin’ in this cage, lookin’ at nine years or placement, and I prayed to Allah they give me placement. By being Muslim, I feel like I don’t have that much pressure on me.
I feel like when somebody say something negative to me, I wont care. I don’t care about nobody but myself and my family, and my first love. When I get rejected, I hope I don’t lose her.
‘Cause sometimes I feel like ima lose her by doing something to somebody ‘cause of what they said or they did. And I hope that can change. Droppin’ all these tears is out of the question. Being rejected, you have trauma and pain from that, I been there.