by Cam, Santa Clara
I know I been in and out of the hall. But sometimes I got to make poor decisions. I didn’t choose to live the “life of a criminal.” This life chose me. I know it sounds like I’m blaming something else for my decisions, but it’s true.
Some staff in the hall say that I been through some very hard stuff that a normal person would of killed themselves going through the same thing I did, from twelve years old all the way to now. I try to help my mom out with rent. I didn’t chose to get locked up. It just happened to me. Honestly, I want to stay out so I can play football and go to a normal school. But it’s really hard for me to stay out because every time I come home to my mom, she always looks stressed-out because she doesn’t have money to pay bills. So that’s why I end up coming back, because I want to make my mom happy. I don’t want this for the rest of my life. It’s just things happen so fast that I end up getting locked up.
It started when I was two. My mom and my dad was fighting about if they wanted to keep me or not. My mom wanted to keep me, but my dad didn’t. So my dad said, “I will leave you if you don’t get rid of him,” then my mom said “Ok then leave me. I don’t want my son to grow up and say that he was an accident.” My dad said, “No, he was an accident,” then left. My mom held me and cried until my nana came.
My nana came through the door saying, “What happened?” and my mom said “My boyfriend left me because he doesn’t want to help me raise my son.” My nana looked at me and said, “When you grow up, I don’t want you to end up like your dad, and if you ever have kids, make sure you take care of your kids.” I was only two at the time, so I don’t know what she meant, but I remember what she said. I was sad that my dad didn’t want me. Me and my dad have been playing hide and seek for seven years and I still haven’t found him, yet.
I am sixteen years old now and hearing that story makes me mad, but knowing that my dad does not want me makes me a better man.
Today, I’m in high school, in the eleventh grade, and trying to graduate high school. After I graduate high school I want to go to college and get my master’s degree to be a doctor for brain and heart surgery. I want to go to the military to help me deal with anger.
Now looking back, I will be a better man than my dad was and I’m going to make my nana proud.
Now I have goals in life that I want to do, so I can stay on track. It’s good having goals because it’s like a list of things you want to do, like going sky diving, going on an airplane, or something small like walking your dog. Goals are something people have on a day-to-day basis. Every time you get past a goal, you feel happy. So my goal is to make my nana proud.
When I look back I picture how it was like for my mom having to raise a boy. She didn’t just have to be a mother figure. She had to be a father figure, too. That was hard on my mom because she had to pay rent, figure out what we wanted to eat, buy clothes for me and have to deal with my bull crap. It was hard for my mom. She does so much for me that it makes me feel so sad.
Every time I see her, I give her a hug and a kiss because I thank her for how much she takes care of me. I love when my mom takes care of me because she makes me feel happy. She’s the one I go to when something bad happens. I love her so much. She’s the only one that has my back. My mom gave me life and I love her for that. She’s the best in the world and I would put my life on the line just to have her.