by Eddie M. Vargas Sr., CTF North in Soledad, CA
Greetings,
First allow me to extend a warm welcome to each and every one of you here today and may you all be blessed with good health, happiness, strength and peace of mind and with that allows me to introduce myself.
My name is Eddie M. Vargas, Sr. and many people know me as Flaco. I was born and raised in San Jose, California. Currently I am serving a prison sentence of 60 years to life. It’s been rough, but I’d like to take a moment of your time to share some thoughts with you in hopes I can help you to better see or understand the importance of family to a family member, loved one or friend incarcerated. So please listen carefully to my words.
We are all here as individuals with much in common that brings us all here together as a family, and even though in many ways we may be strangers, we will forever remain as a family from a distance. Family is not something you teach or inherit, buy or sell. Family is who you are from deep down inside your being to the core of your soul. It’s being able to look out for and care for each other unconditionally through good or bad times, through thick or thin and most importantly through right or wrong.
It’s being able not to judge, but to care, show love and support. It’s being consistent and to be there always, to hug them, love them, care for them, make them smile, talk with them, hear them out and just utilize that time to just be you and allow them to be themselves.
You see when all else fails we need to know we can turn to family no matter what knowing that we are secured and in trusting hands and will not ever be denied for no one should ever be denied the love, comfort and acceptance of their family and nothing and no one should ever come before family.
For those of you with loved ones incarcerated I know the ordeal you have come to experience firsthand both as a convict and as a father of a convict. They say that we, who are incarcerated, are worthy of nothing for we are the cause of destruction to our families and society as a whole, but we are humans with flaws. True, we as individuals must acknowledge our mistakes and accept responsibility for our actions and if we are held accountable to anyone other than ourselves it’s to our family and loved ones for that’s where our path began.
Many times our emotions and feelings are misleading in the wrong way. It is caused by our anger and hurt due to the incarceration of a loved one. Sometimes instead of making a strong effort to work things out and support each other, we tend to allow our mind and thoughts to be clouded by negativity. It causes me to lose sight of the overall picture and little by little as time passes us by the distance between us causes us to become strangers and then causes a door within our circle to close.
You see this is not about who’s right or wrong or about judging someone’s being or actions, it’s about standing by each other no matter what. It’s about supporting each other through thick and thin in the time of need. It’s about writing a letter or answering one. It’s about saying we need you, we love you, we miss you and most importantly we are in this together and we are here for you. That’s what family is all about and should be about.
You would be amazed at the look of a man/woman from receiving a letter or card from a loved one. It’s amazing to see that receiving a letter or card from a loved one can do so much for them and how much more at ease he/she is knowing he has that family support. It’s not always about money, packages or material things it’s about just being there for them unconditionally always.
If I can ask anything of you I ask that each and every one of you to be and get involved with the everyday dealings of your loved ones incarcerated whether it’s your daughter/son, mother/father, husband, nana/tata, aunt/uncle, cousin or even just a friend. Many of you have been through this and some of you many times over and for those of you who have been through this over and over again, I ask you to share those experiences with those there with you now and help to guide them through this the best you can.
For those of you on the verge of giving up or losing faith or growing more further from your loved ones I ask that you please refocus, collect your thoughts, have hope and keep the faith and stick it out. Please.
They say once a convict always a convict and that a convict can never change. Well, true once a convict always a convict, but a convict can change for I’ve personally have known ex-convicts who have changed their lives around and the difference was a will to change and a strong family support standing by them 100%. It’s never easy, but in life nothing ever is, the injustices that we were subjected to that has brought us all here as one, will one day be known and revealed to all.
I will continue to do all within my reach and power to see to it that for as long as there is life in my body I will never give up fighting until the truth is revealed. We don’t claim to be angels, but as I said, we are human and we have a right to be treated fairly and as such. We should never be judged by the actions of others, but solely by our own actions of our own doing of our own will.
Many of us remain behind these walls because of our own mistakes and lack of responsibilities, but some are behind bars because of the serious flaws in the justice system. Some of us are guilty and many of us are not and in order to get through these ordeals it is very important to have and remain with that strong family support. I can never stress that enough to all of you here.
Throughout these past years there have been many people in my life both family and friends who have walked out of my life and turned their backs on me and who want nothing more to do with me. I believed their actions taken was caused by the seriousness of my case and their lack of fully understanding what took place with my case. This caused me a great deal of hurt and pain and because of this there were many times when I wanted to end my life.
I couldn’t believe those near and dear to me would do that to me and just walk out on me without so much as a reason as to why, but here I remain. There were times when I wanted to give up fighting, but here I am. There were many times when I wanted to say the hell with everyone, but I didn’t and here I remain. After much thought and struggle I’ve come to realize that I’m here because the lord up above has a purpose for me in all this ordeal. What it is? I don’t know and why I must suffer? I don’t know, but I have lost much and I do know that I am here because of the strength the Lord has blessed me with to overcome my every setback.
Many times I cursed him. I questioned him. I grew angry at him and a few times I wanted to give up on him. Why would he let people turn against me? Why would he allow people in my family to walk away from me? Why would he allow my wife to go against me? Most importantly why would he allow my kids to be kept from me? For years, I blamed him for all this.
As the years passed me by, I began to open my eyes and realized that no one was to blame but me. I always knew family was important, but I grew to know and better understand why those family ties must remain strong and intact. Never and I mean never, deny your children your love, care, consideration, attention, respect, concern, opinions, guidance, hugs or kisses as I once did and now live to regret it each and every day. Never deny a family member or deny your attention, consideration, love or presence, for in doing so you will allow a wall to build and that wall can be one of destruction.
Mend old and new wounds regardless of who’s at fault. Be the bigger person, bite your tongue if you must and start a new from here on out and be at peace with yourself and those near and dear to you. Be as one, but most importantly be a strong close knit family. Pride and egos have no place here and should never have a place within your family circle.
The world doesn’t end just because a family member or loved one becomes incarcerated nor should your life be put on hold for we realize each and every one of you has to live your life and with that comes many other issues and responsibilities to tend to and deal with. We understand, but please be open minded and willing. I know many people here in prison who have no family and I honestly feel for them at times. I try to imagine what my life would be without a family of my own. It isn’t pretty.
For all the bad I have done in my life the Lord up above has managed to bless me many times over with a big family and true friends for which I am very thankful for. In closing I’d like to ask one thing of all of you listening to these words. Please, everybody stand up, hold hands, close your eyes and face heaven up above and say these words, ”Lord, please help me to forgive, please help me to be strong and please help us to be TOGETHER as one. Amen.” May God bless you all.