by Richie Angulo, Avenal State Prison Avenal, CA
All my life I was the person who struggled accepting my identity. From a very young age I started wearing a mask to hide the real me. This was my way of hiding my feelings, all my hurts, and pains. For a very long time I refused to be transparent. I was afraid of not being accepted, liked, supported, and loved. This was my life for many years, a life of darkness and loneliness, a life that became my normal.
Over the yards this began to take a toll on me. I was in the business of being a people-please, never considering what was best for me. I began working 70 hours per week, sleeping 4-5 hours per night, neglected my family and friends, and my health was suffering. Not only was I 75 pounds over-weight but the stress was too much.
I’ll never forget the day I took inventory of my life. I couldn’t believe that I allowed everything to spiral out of control, so I reached out for help. I was tired. I was tired. I was desperate. I simply was ready for change.
One can easily say, did you lose weight by going on a diet? Did you work a traditional 40 hour per week job? Did you make time for friends and family? In order for me to address all my issues, I knew I needed to get to the root of my problems. My underlying problem was not accepting me for being me. I learned how to manipulate the truth and I was ready to try something new.
As I embarked on my new life mission, I realized that transparency was playing a crucial role in allowing me to move forward. It was very hard in the beginning but as time went on, I spoke my truth, and eventually my truth was easier to share then the lies I tried to hide.
Along my journey, I have found peace and happiness as I continue to move forward. As a result of not carrying all that excess baggage, I feel good about myself and my health improved. I no longer hide my thoughts and feelings as I embrace the man I was meant to be.