by JO, Yolo
They calling me a monster I know I needa change
Ain’t lookin’ for a good job ain’t lookin’ for yo’ praise
Need to stop doing what I’m doing and start thinkin’ like a man
Time to grow up the life I’m living ain’t no game
You don’t know how much I struggle with thinking different everyday
All this anger, pain, regret, inside me it’s so hard to tame
Waking up thinking I’m home but I’m still inside this cage
Having dreams I’m on the outs waking up still in these chains
Only time I’m happy when I’m sleep in different realities
‘Cause I’m in my real world I’m tryin’ to beat a serious case
One thing that keeps me pushin’ is the smile on momma’s face
When I start to get to trippin’ I picture my momma tryin’ to say
Beggin’ me just to do good and promising me it ain’t too late
For my family and my loved ones I promise I’ll change my ways
I’ll finally make ‘em proud and change my mental state
Fix the way I’m thinking and push all those negative thoughts away
No they cannot stay
Can’t let my family down their trust I can’t betray
The memories of them crying are imprinted in my brain
Giving each one hugs and kisses before I walked up in them gates
Talking ‘bout my four-wall cinderblock room ninja that’s the place
You don’t see the shhh I see if you did, you’d go insane
That’s why I ask God for forgiveness for the sins I can’t repeat
All the screaming and the ringing wish those thoughts I could bury
Askin’ God show me my path every single time I pray
The feelin’ that I’m feelin’ is where we can’t and won’t relate
The devil want me with him, with him, God I will replace
‘Cause everything I been through the devil is who I blame
But all I put my family through I know I’m who caused that pain
One thing I wish God would just answer why take my brother away from May
If he didn’t take him away from me, I wouldn’t be here today
I can’t blame you, you needed him back, can’t question your reason
I wish you tell me why he was even too young I to sin
Just knowin’ I’m doing good you one reasons I’m changin’
Heard dad went to your grave, crying, praying I don’t stay the same
That hurt and made me break down and cry feelin’ like no tears remain
Everything I said I think about on a daily basis
For my family, my loved ones, and my brothers I’ll change