by Adam Meyers, Correctional Facility in Moose Lake, Minnesota
Hello. My name is Adam Meyer and I was encouraged by my mother to share this insert with the public, because she knew I had something to share that could touch the hearts of many. All my life, I have been very occupied in caring for people as a whole.
I do not judge people, because I don’t like to be judged. There are a lot of things I don’t like when it comes to people getting hurt, or when they struggle and suffer from their own personal choices. I was one out of many that got hurt, and nearly took my life due to my addiction(s).
I am a recovering drug addict. From the age of fifteen to twenty-two, I was very self-absorbed within my own addictions, where my choices caused harm to many that wanted to help me. I pushed people away knowing I could do it on my own. That was a lie.
When I was in my drug addictive lifestyle, I had a hard time being able to trust people. I assumed everyone was out to get me, to set me up to fail, and to cause harm onto me. I didn’t allow people to get close, because I was scared and felt I was alone dealing with my own personal demons.
As a recovering drug addict, I knew how much power drugs can have on a person and the mind. Addiction is so hard to kick to the curb, and when an addict is so far into his/her addictions, it is very hard for them to know the difference between reality, and what allows them to feel safe in the moment.
I have so many people in my life today that are struggling with their own drug addictions. My sister being one, my best friend being another, an ex-girlfriend, and the list goes on and on and on. These people have made a great effort in my past to help me get my life back on track.
When I got locked up, time went on for all of us. Things changed. People changed. Time changed everything. I felt for the longest time due to being locked up, that I missed out on what that change was like. I was so animated to keep in touch with all these people, and a couple out of many, I still have contact with.
My sister, ex-girlfriend, and others, I don’t have any such luck. A lot of my friends have died from their addictions since I’ve been locked up. Some got married and had kids. Praise to them for changing their lives around. Time changed my family dynamics, friendships, relationships with people, my attitude towards life, and how I reacted to the changes being made, so on and so forth.
Time destroyed my life, but at the same time, it saved my life. And here’s how. Time continued for me (incarcerated) to engage in getting the treatment I needed and the help that has made me the man I am today. Time went on for them to continue living in a world of drugs, sex, and violence.
To some, the candle burned out long ago, in which I am still mourning over the loss of my friends, family, and to me, makes me also mourn that I cannot make any more memories with those people who were important to me and my life.
Now, by being locked up and away from the chaos, I’m looking at the damages from the inside out, instead of living in the middle of it all. I’m grateful that I’m a survivor and I’m still alive to experience that it wasn’t my time to go.
My mother told me once as of recently, that as much as she hates the place that I’m in, she is glad that I am here. For the simple fact that she, as a mother, knows that I have a bed to sleep in, three square meals a day, and a roof over my head. I’m not in the mix of drugs and not living on the streets anymore, and she knows I’m safe.
That’s a lot to be grateful for compared to what I experienced before my incarceration. I was facing death in the face and at the time, I didn’t care nor didn’t realize who it was affecting. I am a very sensitive and emotional type of guy, and when I know that I am powerless and feel helpless to those who have helped me in return, it weighs on me, and I feel responsible for not doing more than what I have to offer from the inside.
I guess that is why I titled this article, “Addiction: From the Inside Looking Out.” It is out of my control for their own personal choices to continue doing what they are doing, but am I not allowed to still feel what affects me the most? I grieve and have heart to feel for what I think is so detrimental to me today.
I cherish my friendships, my relationships, and my family as you may have noticed. I believe that if I attempt to do something to save someone’s life from drug addictions or making other poor choices, then that could make up for all the wrongs I made in my past.
It allows me to know that for every life I save, is replacing it with all the lives I helped destroy in the past. My message that I convey, I hope that people can understand that not only do I suffer from my past choices, that I have hurt someone in one way or another, but what difference I can make by turning a “wrong” into a “right”.
By being the man and member of society I was meant to be. My heart goes out to those who are greatly affected by whose addictions are causing them harm. Don’t give up hope, and please for the sake of it all, don’t give up on those who still struggle.
They still need the help and support from each and every one of us as long as we extend a helping hand.