by Hieu “Rocky” Nguyen
My name is Hieu Nguyen. I am writing to you this letter in regard to my sinful involvement in the death of your beloved son. I must tell you that I am filled with worry at this moment. I am afraid that this letter will only serve to remind you of the loss of your son, and so it could bring you more pain. But yet, I believe that the greater wrong would be to fail to confess the harm I have done to you all, and to express my own grief and sorrow at the terrible responsibility that I bear for your son’s death.
I know that I only deserve your hatred. I am truly sorry for my actions. I cannot find anything to say in justification for what I did. There is nothing that I can remember that excuses my conduct. I am sorry that it took me many years of prison to finally realize the complete responsibility that I bear.
As I grow older, I look at my life differently. The voice of my mother and the lessons she attempted to teach me have come back to me. I am filled with shame and sadness that I did not take in her words and make them live in my heart when I was a young boy. I have also grown through the training I have received in self-help programs and courses that are offered inside the prison walls. I am filled with grief in knowing that I did not even learn the basics of being a human before I encountered your son.
I alone am responsible for the death of your beloved son because I was the one who fatally stabbed him. I could have saved your son that day; instead I allowed the need to belong in a gang and the gang lifestyle dominate my heart and actions. And ultimately, it led me to commit an unforgivable crime against you, your family, and everyone that has suffered because of his absence.
I failed my family as well as yours. I rejected what they had tried to instill in me. The harvest of my actions has been an intense pain which you have to bear so very unfairly.
Every time when I hear my mother cry, I also see your tears. Every time when I hear my mother speak, I hear your voice as well. Every time I think about my mother’s health and her well-being, my heart fills with shame, guilt, and remorse for all the wrong I have done to you, your family, and my family. No matter in which direction I face, no matter where I turn, and even when I close my eyes, I see your sorrowful face.
I know my words do not take away the pain and anguish I have caused you. I am truly sorry for the sinful crime I have committed against you and your family. I am sorry to have left you all with everlasting pain and grief. I alone erased all the happiness, joy, and experiences you could have shared with your beloved son. Beyond spending the rest of my days behind these prison walls, I wish there is something else I could do to make amends for my crime.
Now I try to treat everyone I encounter with kindness, but all I can do about my past is pray. I pray that God will hear this poor sinner’s prayer. I ask Him to bless your son and all of you unceasingly. I ask Him this every day.