by So Shady
I was fifteen years old. I was my mom’s favorite kid. She never told me that, because I have three brothers and she had to say that she loved us all equally, but I knew I was the favorite.
My big brother was the troubled one. He was always in trouble. He smoked and was in and out of jail. I told my mom I would never turn out like him and she made me promise. I had just gotten into high school. I was supposed to attend Berkeley High but I ended up attending McClymonds High. The school was in the ghetto, but it had some amazing sports teams and also gave out plenty of scholarships.
I was introduced to a few friends. We had many different interests. I felt I was different (I’ve always felt that way), but then things started to get a little awkward. I felt at odds with my friends. They never said anything to me about it, but that’s how it felt. Time passed. We went to parties or social gatherings and it felt weird to be the only one not smoking or drinking, so I had a decision to make: Was I gonna drink or smoke? So, I decided I was gonna try smoking. And I liked being high.
I hid it from my mom for as long as I could, but then it started to get obvious—red eyes, sleepy, eating a lot, coming home late. Then I really started to slip up, leaving traces of weed, baggies, tobacco papers, etc., so my mom began to question me. I lied for as long as I could, but then I reached a point and felt like it was just time to tell the truth. So, I did, and everything that I was afraid of happening happened. I lost a lot of privileges that I’d had, but what hurt the most, what I cared the most about, was losing my mom’s trust. I felt terrible. I felt so guilty. I felt like my innocence was gone.