Welcome to another fabulous issue of The Beat Within. By the time you get this one of a kind magazine, we will be in the early days of March, as the spring season is knocking on our door. We can’t thank you all enough for your kindness and support with each workshop and /or submission you give to this important work. All right, given space is a premium, lets pass the keyboard over to our dear friend and colleague, OT….
We welcome you readers and writers to another great double edition of the one and only The Beat Within. It’s OT once again, representing for all those going through a struggle and still manage to keep a smile on their faces. So we conclude Black History Month. This February is coming to a close and spring is already starting to knock on Winter’s door.
As the seasons tick right past us and another year has gone by, I’m gonna challenge you all to reflect a little. Now, when I mean reflect, I’m not talking about your New Year’s Resolution, I just want you to think back to the end of last year’s Black History month (exactly one year ago from today.) What were you doing? Where were you? Who were you with?
Now this isn’t a writing topic, but if you feel like writing it down, by all means do! I’m not gonna stop ya! Some people need to write things down to go ahead and think better, and I’m one of them. I originally started writing this ed’s note before finally switching to the good ole Mac Book.
I want you all to think of the word “vision” and what comes to your mind. I would like to know for many of you, what’s the vision that you see for yourself in your life? What do you see yourself doing next year around this time of year as we conclude February? In just a matter of a year’s time, you can move back one year, think about what you did. Then think about today, and then try to forecast the weather for your next February.
How bright do you want the sun to shine? Better yet, how bright DO YOU want to shine? Many of us are not where we want to be. For those who don’t know me, and for those that do, this will sound repetitive, but I’ve been through those same Juvenile Hall seats, The Ranch, County jail, Federal Prison and then the conclusion to all those expeditions landed me here in Nicaragua.
Never did I envision that I’d land here. That’s the ironic part. I knew that dope dealing and gang banging could get me killed, (didn’t happen), could get me shot (that did happen, I lived) go to jail ( I just said I did), but damn, the crazy thing that out of all the consequences that could’ve happened to me, deportation never crossed my mind.
Now I’m writing this in the form of a complaint. I’m taking it in stride and I feel blessed to be alive and trekking along on my current journey. I guess, I’m still in shock, and I guess you could say I lacked vision because damn we all know the consequences of the shhh we get ourselves into.
Some of us inadvertently don’t care, and for some we subconsciously test the waters because deep down inside we don’t give a damn about ourselves. And what’s worse, sometimes we don’t realize just how much others like our friends, mom, dad, counselors, do care about our well-being.
Not everyone’s life is the same. Not all of us have both parents. Some of us have been blessed with more support than others, but many of us have at least one guardian angel that we try to shake and get rid of like a bad habit. There’s always that one pesky person who doesn’t give up on you and shows up in your life at a time when you need them the most even when your pride and ego forces you to reject that help.
I don’t have to name examples but if you reflect long and hard enough you will find a couple in your lifetime. Honestly right now just thinking, (and now my memory banks seems to be cashing in some old money) I can count at least a dozen of them off the top of my head.
Plenty of people from baseball coaches, to basketball coaches, heck I can name at least half of dozen old colleagues at The Beat Within that had my back at one point in time when I needed them the most.
Now back to what I was doing last February, I kind of don’t remember because maybe I don’t want to remember. If you can’t remember it’s because you want to take dark part of your life and file away way back to the last folder in your file cabinet. ‘Cause if you were having a good time, you typically don’t forget those. If you were at Disneyland last February, heck you would remember.
Chances are if you can’t come with a straight answer you may have been exactly where you are today, “In a place where you don’t wanna be.” So last year you weren’t where you wanted to be, like maybe at your little sister’s birthday party, or your Mom’s graduation, or your little brother’s first Homerun in a little league game, etc. I can keep going. You weren’t there.
Now you look at yourselves this year and you’re not there again can have you feeling disappointed. Trust me, I’ve been there. So, at this point ask yourself, next year, where the hell do you want to be? And I’m talking about in all aspects, because some of you will say well, “I’ll be in this same punk ass cell, again.”
And there is truth to that answer, but will you be much more mature this year than you were last year? Did you write your mom more letters this year than you did last year? Did you apologize to all those that you hurt more this year than last year?
I guess if I was really talking about places, then my topic would have easily been about vacation. ‘Cause guess what, next year I’ll be in the same place also, in Nicaragua, but my actions today can create opportunities for my future. Who’s to say I can’t go to Brazil next year, or Germany, France, Spain or the Dominica Republic.
But what does that mean exactly? I’m not only talking about destination. Next year I want my year to be better than my last year. Shhh I want this year to be better than my last year. I don’t want to wait. I want to keep improving.
Last year I lacked vision and in fact, I failed to see beyond next year or the following. So do me a favor and do yourselves a favor and don’t let time creep up on you like 100 MPH fastball with two strikes. Don’t strike out. Sit on your pitch and put a good swing on your life.
It sounds cliche, but “It’s not where you want to go. It’s where you want to be.” But I’ll be damn if you tell me that jail, and away from all of your loved ones is where you want to be. You can lie to me, but you ain’t gone lie to yourself.
So get on out there, educate yourself, work hard and be your own harshest critic. Don’t linger on your setbacks, instead let them motivate you to provide the fuel for your train of determination, to get to where you want to go. ‘Cause once you get going, the only person that can stop you will be yourself…And believe me, you’re not gonna want to stop.
One love to everybody going through the struggle. Rest in peace to anybody who lost a loved one. The Beat keeps going and going…Stay strong my brothers and sisters. OT Is signing out!
Thank you, OT, for being such a shining light in our world. We appreciate your immense dedication and love. All right, we send you readers much love and respect. Don’t hesitate to reach out if we can be of support. We love hearing from you and anyone connected to you and your community. See you down the road….