by Osvaldo Vasquez
After many years in prison and many self-help groups, I realized my thinking had degenerated drastically from what is acceptable in order for my life to get to the place where it was okay in my head to steal and kidnap somebody. Today, as a result of my personal self-analysis and use of the principles of the 12 Step Program (Humility, Honesty, Open-Mindedness, Responsibility, Willingness, Forgiveness, etc.) I realize, thanks to my sobriety (six years clean) and good judgement, that all these things were contributing and causative factors that led to my life-crime.
My recovery and rehabilitation began with the twelve Step Program (N.A.), which helped me discover the root causes of all those old feelings, beliefs, and fears. I could more easily see how ridiculous my beliefs had become and change them. Because my beliefs have changed, I can change the actions I choose to take as well.
Today, I realize that I developed in myself a monster with all the crooked and distorted beliefs that I embraced, along with my repressed feelings which I had carried since my early childhood. Mentally frustrated, living a dysfunctional lifestyle and in rage against my life, I reacted by expressing it with violence. I unloaded all my frustration, resentment, and desperation which transformed into a fit of rage against Mr. James Chaney, who I robbed and kidnapped without compassion.
I, Osvaldo Vasquez, taking full and complete responsibility, can see and admit that I am the only one guilty for all the wrong decisions I made in my life. Today, I acknowledge I am an addict in recovery and the pain that I felt for the sexual abuse from my father’s friend and the physical, verbal, and emotional abuse that I suffered from my family didn’t let me value myself and overcome the emptiness that was in my heart, but even though these events impacted me for the rest of my life, it does not in any way excuse me from being accountable for my behavior and the life-crime I committed.
I truly regret what I did to Mr. James Chaney. Today, living as a self-conscious, responsible person, I am emotionally compelled to acknowledge the guilt, sadness, and shame for all the irreparable harm and pain which I caused to Mr. Chaney, his family, and society as a whole.
Today, I am able to live a life in which I respect others and their boundaries. With the self-help groups, my faith in God, and spiritual beliefs, I can and am committed to living in a responsible, healthy manner. Deeply ashamed for my behavior and lifestyle on the day I committed my crime, I extend my heartfelt apology to Mr. James Chaney (R.I.P.), his family, and society.
Sincerely,