Welcome friends and colleagues to our latest double issue of the one and only The Beat Within. We are thrilled to have back in our pages, the one and only, OT! OT, if you did not know, is truly our right hand man when it comes to supporting this one of a kind publication and we could not ask for a better colleague and friend to share his truths in this week’s editorial note. Allow us to cut to the chase and hand the keyboard over to OT!
This is OT once again with the privilege to hear your stories, raps, poems, great thoughts, and ideas. It’s truly an honor to get to know many of you through your writing, from the brave souls that share their thoughts from San Diego to the Santa Clara County youth that are not afraid to speak their hearts and minds. From the likes of the Michael Mackey’s and Earl Warner’s of The Beat Without section, to the youth interns at the Urban School of San Francisco, that have been courageously stepping up and sharing their thoughts and opinions throughout these pages, it’s a real blessing to be a part of this writing community.
For many of you locked up that look forward to this publication, I am one of the lucky editors that look forward to putting it out. I edit, write the intros for you BWO writers, I respond to some of the units, and do anything that Dave asks me to do involved in trying to get the publication done. The only thing that I can’t do is do the actual workshops, which is bummer, because it’s something that I used to love doing back in the day, and would love to keep doing, but I’m currently a great distance away in Managua, Nicaragua.
See, after my prison term was over I was deported to a country that I left when I was about three and a half years old. I grew up in United States my whole life, in the San Francisco Bay Area to be exact, and at the age of twenty-eight I was sent back to a country more foreign to me than Mars.
I wanted to give you all a small glimpse of where I’m at, because like many of you, I am far away from my immediate family. I am far away from the people I grew up with, my kids, my cousins, my sisters my aunt, and I too feel disconnected from society at times, because even though I have been here for five years, going on six, I still feel like I don’t belong here. I feel like I never could belong here, because this is a different culture, a culture, that even though it is a part of my heritage, it’s still not me.
I still watch, CNN, I still watch the NBA (Go Warriors!). I can’t name one player from the Nicaraguan National Baseball Team, but I can name quite a few from the San Francisco Giants, from The Oakland A’s, from the Angels, heck even from the Dodgers (And those are my division rivals). I still listen to 2pac, Jay-Z, Lil’ Wayne, T.I. and Bay Area Rap like Mozzy, Philthy Rich, and Mac Dre.
I would still rather go eat at a Mexican Taqueria before a Nicaraguan Restaurant, and that’s saying a lot because Nicaraguan food is actually pretty damn good. But I was raised on eating burritos, carne asada. Let me get the works! I need sour cream, cheese and guacamole, and make sure you put pinto beans in there too! Or let me get the quesadilla suiza with shrimp! Oh man, now I’m getting hungry and I bet you are too! Sorry about that folks!
Well my point is that I still look to The Beat Within to feel connected to the culture that I feel that I belong to. I’m not saying that I belong incarcerated, or nothing like that, but I feel like I belong right next to y’all fighting the good fight of injustice. I wish it didn’t take me damn near thirty-four years of life to finally mature and get it down right, but I think it had to happen this way and I’m fortunate to be alive because many of my peers didn’t get that chance.
I have to be grateful for this opportunity. Now, this week, when you are sitting down in your workshop’s, you guys will be peppered with a lot of ideas and questions, but I thought I would elaborate a little bit on one topic and particular question that you will find and it’s “why I write.”
I consider myself a hardcore writer, because I like to write raps, poems, short stories, heck I love writing the ed. note. I find myself at times writing future ed. notes of what I would like to say to y’all, but this question seems to bring me a to a complete stop like when you thought about running it, when you saw the yellow light before it turned red! (tires screeching ‘cause you don’t want to get a ticket!)
This is a damn good question! Why do I write, I ask myself? I write because writing gives me freedom to do what I want. In the same way that a professional painter or artist likes to fill the canvas with his improvised work of art, I do the same with a number two pencil, or pen, paper and pad. I let my imagination run wild. I can feel in love at the moment and write about the feeling about being in love, a love song, a love poem or a romantic novel, or I could be mad and tell the world off and let everyone feel my pain! I write because sometimes I like to picture how my life would be in someone’s else’s sneakers. I write because I find myself that each time I write, I tend to be more honest with myself.
When I write, I tend to remember how passionate I was about being in the streets and being down for my set, and I remember thinking to myself that I didn’t have any other option. I hear you guys all the time saying the same thing I used to tell myself when I was younger, “I didn’t have any other options.” “I didn’t have another choice.” I remember when I used to represent in the streets how I would write (tag) my affiliation.
I remember how I was searching for money and power. I thought that was important in life. Power, now that’s an interesting word, and a misconceived one at that, but I will tell you all that your words hold power. Forget what others think about you, forget the lawyers, the judge, probation, your family, who won’t give you that chance that you want. You know that chance that you want to so bad to prove people wrong, well that chance is your chance right now. Don’t wait for someone else to give you a chance. You have to want that chance and take it like it’s the only one that you will get in life.
Give yourself a chance. Start speaking your success into existence. Start saying, “I have options.” You don’t have to struggle forever. If you do, THAT IS YOUR CHOICE, because you can always choose not to struggle. You can always choose not to jeopardize your freedom. You can always choose not to do drugs, not to go ride on others, and not get separated from your family.
Writing does hold power, but it’s not the type of power that will be abused, it’s just often misused. The words I write have the power to tear down walls of hatred within our communities and spread positive messages and blessings for others. I realized that I have been destructive and counterproductive in my younger years, that now my mission is to write and help us all win and beat the system. But before you and I can do that you have to be able to beat the biggest, and hardest challenge ever and that is…YOURSELF.
So, this is why I write, because my truth could be your truth. My pain could your pain, and your win will be my win, and only together we can win. Much love for everybody going through some type of struggle…OT is signing out and The Beat (Within) keeps going and going!