by Alexis Pamiroyan
To all of you teenagers spread out in juvenile halls, group homes, and other facilities across the country, you hold something within yourself that you may not be aware of. You hold “The Beat within Yourself” that is screaming to be heard and NOW is the time to pay attention to what it is exactly saying to you and the world around you!
In just six simple words to you, it’s never too late to change! I know that you are sitting there locked away or removed from the place that you call “home,” and you are wondering to yourself, “How can I change when all that I know is the life that I have been living?” And, I bet you are even asking yourself, “Why should I even care if I change or not if no one else cares?”
Well, young mind, heart and soul, there are a lot of reasons why you should care. Yes, maybe you were born into a life and into a family that was not ideal, not perfect and full of negative influences. But, are you saying that you are a quitter and are just willing to give up on yourself already, before your life has even begun? Like anything in life that you really want and go out to get, it is no different than wanting to go out and get what you want, but in a much more positive light.
If you want it bad enough, you always make it happen, right? Well, of course it is not easy, but the change starts with you, plain and simple. I think ‘bout my own journey in life and where I have been before reaching the crossroads of finally wanting to get it right. I was the type of teenager that did not care for myself and looking out for my own best interests, I was not. But, once I did start to want more for myself, it was unfortunately a bit too late because I had taken another human being’s life that was the same age as myself.
I was barely a teenager when I shot and killed another young teen for being different than me, for being from another part of town. At the same time of taking this person’s life, I had gotten a false sense of respect from the other so-called “homies” in the neighborhood, but it felt fake and empty because I knew that what I had done was cold and callous. I did not get arrested immediately after committing my crime, and I knew that it would finally come because nobody gets away with murder.
Nonetheless, I started to see the light and inner conscience inside of myself that was still good. I call this inner conscience to be a good human being my “Beat within.” Since, we all have it in us despite what bad things we have done and where we are today. I eventually got caught and am now serving a life sentence with the possibility of getting out one day, but I still regret the poor choices I have made in my past each and every day that I wake up in these cold prison walls that have to be my home until I am finally released one day.
I have to admit, coming to prison for what I had done was necessary for me to finally start getting it right and work on myself. Sadly, that is what it takes sometimes for many of us to start wanting to take care of ourselves and change our lives. For myself though, I had developed what I refer to as “demons” in my character that I knew that I must put down and bury completely out of my character, if I was going to make it out of this hole that I had dug for myself.
I wanted to be respected, but I wanted it to be for all the “right” reasons people in the community are respected for, not those individuals that are bringing destruction in their neighborhoods by hurting others and committing crimes. I wanted to especially respect myself, so I dug deeper than I ever thought was possible to change as I wanted. Coming to prison saved me from me, the old me, and I strive each and every day while reminding myself that “It’s never too late to change,” because that is what gives me the strength and determination to keep on moving forward.
I know that you are sitting there reading my story and still thinking to yourself, “Can I really make this happen, start changing my life even though I have made so many mistakes?”
Well, I want you to think about something. Where do YOU want to be ten years from now, when you are old enough to start being responsible for your own families, children and beginning to face things in life that require you to be a responsible adult?
Do you want to give up and accept where you are today and the mistake you have recently made even all these years after?
I hope that you want and expect more out of yourself. If you feel like you can’t do it alone, listen to that voice inside of you, it is your “Beat Within” telling you that you can do it even if you have to ask someone for help. A new beginning means a better future. It’s never too late to change!