by David A. Prado
I am writing to you and reaching out to you all with an open heart. As well, hoping that you all listen with an open mind. Just to throw this out there, I am in no way trying to lecture to you. You all solely have the power to make your own decisions. My unhidden reason, why I am reaching out to you, is to share my own life story with you all, in hopes that it helps make an impact on your personality, to at least question the path that you are on currently.
Before I was even born, I was exposed to violence, in the form of domestic violence. It is a known scientific fact, that unborn babies do experience what their mother’s emotionally feel. My biological father was extremely abusive towards my mother, verbally, physically, and emotionally.
A few months before I was born into this cold cruel world, that awaited me, my father disowned me, before I even took my first breath of life. He helped set the stage to a life of extreme physical and mental abuse, that my own mother lashed out on me, for five long crucial years and beyond.
I still vividly remember the physical abuse of burned cigarettes on my hands, being hit over the head by a black iron frying pan, and objects being thrown at me and also hit with. Not to mention, wounds that are still imprinted in my mind and heart, that still has an effect on me to this very day. I could go on and on and describe in full details all the abuse this little boy went through with the mother who should had loved me and taught me what love is.
At age twelve, I sought out for that love and attention, by joining a gang. I started drinking at age eight and doing drugs at age twelve. All this to mask my pain and pass that pain onto others.
While I was sitting in juvenile hall, the staff told me that I have a visit, and placed me in a small interview room. A few minutes later, a man entered the room and sat across from me on the other side of the table. I still remember the exact words he said to me: “My name is Richard Mena. Your mother claims I’m your father, but that B is a liar and a whore. You are not my son so don’t even contact me.”
Those words pierced my heart with as much hatred, that I jumped over that table tried to kill that man with my little hands. The staff ran in and pulled me off of him and threw me into the hole for assault and battery on him, and on two staff members.
From that day forward, I had pure hatred in my heart, and acted out violent towards everyone that wasn’t in my gang. For many years I allowed violence to control my impulses to all actions and answers. In a nut shell, I became the man I despised, my own father. I also abused my own wife. Which landed me in prison doing a twenty-five to life sentence, because I also couldn’t control my anger I had built up, which I also victimized (others in separate crimes).
I have been incarcerated for almost twenty years now and doing that time I spent many years in the cell, because I allowed anger and hatred to consume me. It has taken fifty-two years to finally be that person, that my mother and father helped shaped that man I once was. Every single day, I continue to throw dirt on that grave. So, this man that I am now, could live in peace and not hurt others.
It needs to be said, that I have come to redeem. That I must own all my own mistakes, and pain I caused onto others. And not continue to blame my parents, because I am solely responsible for every action I took since age fifteen.
I am now on a path to continue to better myself as a father, as a man, and to help others. You may have noticed, that I intentionally did not use slang in this letter. That’s because, as I alluded to earlier, that I buried that fool I once was. And now I’m learning to articulate myself in a respectful manner and communicate with others in a non-violent and positive way.
Please, do not allow your past to define you, but please do define your future by our actions you set today and in the future. And also, keep these words close to your heart: “I can commit to lifelong improvements, while realizing, I will never have a problem free life.” To the staff at The Beat Within, thank you for this opportunity to help others, and myself emotionally.