by Ricky Sevier
I take great joy and pleasure writing to The Beat Within as I flashback to the early 2000’s San Mateo County Hillcrest Juvenile Hall 21 Tower Road, before the new one was built. I was just starting to write and The Beat Within motivated me, reading poems and stories from other youth and all the way in the back the last few pages were always from people incarcerated in the state pen (adult system), telling powerful and thoughtful stories and poems on another level.
Now, I find myself in Lancaster California State Prison. A friend of mine asked if I had ever heard of The Beat Within, this just moments after I shared with him some of my poetry and I smiled and told him all about it.
I sit in this cell, thirty years old, ten years in on a twenty-two-year sentence. I have so much to share with you youngsters. Back in my hay day, I could make it far in the game, older heads painted pictures of street fame and only the pros of being in the game. They never once spoke on the truth, the reality, the trials and tribulations, the pain, struggle, the sorrow, the suffering, the life or death riots in prison, the loss of family and friends.
I was deceived because doing time in juvenile wasn’t so bad. Going to CYA (youth prison) was just training grounds. But CDC (California Department of Corrections) is not that. CDC is all adults and they won’t cater to you. They won’t baby you. The horrors I’ve seen are too violent and vicious to speak of in these pages. When you find yourself with your back against the wall and you’re all alone surrounded by enemies. You hit the yard without a weapon ‘cause you didn’t believe it was that serious as you come to the realization that you’re the only one on the yard without a weapon. One-thousand convicts on the yard, all with weapons, except you.
There’s some of you that will read this and think that ain’t nothing, I’ve been shot, I’m ready. And sadly, some of you will not only survive in these conditions but thrive. But the majority are not built for this. This ain’t nice. You no longer have rights. CDC has its own laws, its own rules set to keep you oppressed. And for the ones who think they can fight well, just forget about it ‘cause where I’m at and the prisons I’ve been to, Pelican Bay, High Desert, Salinas Valley, WASCO, Lancaster, to name a few. Level 3-270, Level 4-270/180 yards, most prisons I’ve been to have what they call a no hands policy which means anyone fighting in any situation will be handled with weapons.
That’s the basic, as so-called homies turn their back on you. But do we ever stop and think about our victims, not just the people we’ve robbed and hurt, but our family? Yeah, you may get visits from mom and dad because you’re in juvenile and its located in your county. The distance isn’t far. But when your family lives in the Bay Area and you’re locked up in High Desert, 8-12 hours away, forget about those visits.
You don’t need mom to come see you anyway. I mean why should she? You never not once stopped and though about her hurt, pain, tears, and suffering or her worrying. And for the ones who have children, stop and think about how it’ll affect them ‘cause time waits for no one.
Since the ten years I’ve been doin’, I lost my wife, my brother was killed, a multitude of my friends have been killed and my grandpa died from cancer, and my uncle passed away. Just a few years ago, November 4th, 2016, my baby sister committed suicide. A few days later my fourteen-year-old daughter did the same. And it eats me, the thought that if I was there, could I have stopped it?
When I speak of sorrow I’m talking about forever. People speak of being solid, being one-hundred, being real. But fact is they don’t know nothing about that. I do. And being real ain’t selling dope, killing, jacking, no, being real is being there for your family, honoring your mother, educating your children and being there for them. Being real is honor and truth. Being real is education.
Earning real stripes does not mean putting in work. The only way to earn real street stripes is to go to trial, gamble with your life and go to trial in San Mateo County or Santa Clara County with 98% conviction rates and watch ‘em give you the max time. Earning real stripes means going to college, getting degrees, supporting your family, giving back, pick up a book, go to school, do right and live life.
What’s real is every single word I’ve spoken, ‘cause if you truly listen and turn it around you’d realize, my words are a blessing in disguise.